Bill O'Reilly: Black People May Be Like Other People

Stick with me on this one. I copied this from Media Matters.

During the September 19 edition of his nationally syndicated radio program, discussing his recent trip to have dinner with Rev. Al Sharpton at Sylvia's, a famous restaurant in Harlem, Bill O'Reilly reported that he "had a great time, and all the people up there are tremendously respectful," adding: "I couldn't get over the fact that there was no difference between Sylvia's restaurant and any other restaurant in New York City. I mean, it was exactly the same, even though it's run by blacks, primarily black patronship." Later, during a discussion with National Public Radio senior correspondent and Fox News contributor Juan Williams about the effect of rap on culture, O'Reilly asserted: "There wasn't one person in Sylvia's who was screaming, 'M-Fer, I want more iced tea.' You know, I mean, everybody was -- it was like going into an Italian restaurant in an all-white suburb in the sense of people were sitting there, and they were ordering and having fun. And there wasn't any kind of craziness at all." O'Reilly also stated: "I think black Americans are starting to think more and more for themselves. They're getting away from the Sharptons and the [Rev. Jesse] Jacksons and the people trying to lead them into a race-based culture. They're just trying to figure it out. 'Look, I can make it. If I work hard and get educated, I can make it."

I'm not sure what I dig more. Is it the fact that O'Reilly shows off how attuned he is into America or is the fact that Fox gives great lie to Fair and Balanced.

First of all, let's go into the No Spin Zone Billy. You fucked yourself. You fucked yourself long and hard with a big falafel/loofah. You really proved how well you speak for the American people. What's your next revelation the waiter at the local Mexian Restaurant doesn't sound like that Frito Bandido character that made you chuckle in your younger days? The Jewish guy at the delicatessen didn't try and short change you?

Ah yes how I enjoy you shooting yourself in the foot. Maybe you will take off your balls someday at the same time. But you really have eensy weensy tiny balls dont'cha Billy. Of course, this isn't as sexy as Imus although it really points to as deep a racism as Imus. Of course most of his supporters will not make much out of it because it is those uppity black people making a big deal out of nothing.

Of course O'Reilly and his handlers at Fox tried to spin the No Spin Zone away from it. Someone at Fox saying that it was an attempt by liberals to stir up an issue and how it was sad. Actually what is sad is that your shitty news channel continues to pretend it's Fair and Balanced. Ok, so why the fear of liberals? You mean nobody else might figure out what he said sounds like a Travelogue of a White Man 1962. Oh and Fox & O'Reilly's assertions that is a hatchet job by Media Matters. Please, we have the audio tape of the free floating association that black might equal normal.

Snacktime: US v. UK

Most people in the US think of traditional food in the UK as appealing a pair of beige socks. At best bland. Although that is of course not true, when you are talking Brit food I think they topped out with bangers and mash. I can however with some certainty say that they kick our asses when it comes to snack items. With chocolate and crisps the British still rule the seas.

If you eat a typical Cadbury or Nestle chocolate bar from the UK and then it's equivalent in the US you will realize that we are being short changed by our candy makers. I am primarily talking about the big companies like Hershey's and Mars. We have some smaller companies that are turning out some good chocolate but if you are charging $2.50 for a chocolate bar it better not be a piece of shit.

The real difference in the chocolate bar war can be seen with milk chocolate. The UK bars feature a lighter yet richer milk chocolate that isn't gaggy sweet. The US versions tend to be relatively dense and seemingly so packed with sugar the granules are buffing the enamel off your teeth as you eat it. The classic Hershey bar? So fucking waxy and tasteless I think Yankee Candle could put out a chocolate candle and it would approximate the flavor.

As for the other major category of snack being discussed here crisps the US isn't so much behind on quality as we are in variety. Walker's and their competitors put out flavors as varied as roasted chicken, steak and onion and pickle. We have 400 fucking variations of cheese/sour cream and seasoning. Yea, we really are imaginative with our potato chips. I know there are some smaller companies in the US who have tried some different flavors but the bigger companies have yet to step it up.

Maybe the reason for the lack of chip variety is the US consumer. I can see how a lot may not be willing to even try a wildly different flavor. Or maybe the companies here have just not put together many successful flavors even though they tried. Doritos was testing a new flavor in a bag labeled X-13 and people who tried them were supposed to submit names. Apparently it was supposed to be cheeseburger but after trying them I decided the appropriate name would be Rim Job With a Pickle.

So, while we have Mexican food and barbeque to kick the Brits' asses in culinary superiority we definitely must bow to them in the realm of snack foods.

Generosity & Stupidity

Just read online that a woman is donating 128 million dollars to her former high school in Philadelphia. I know it is her money but what the fuck are you thinking? Do you want to rebuild the entire fucking school and install gold plated drinking fountains?

Granted most schools everywhere could use some funding help but to lump all this on one school is obscene. There are thousands of students in the US sitting in shitty classroom conditions. Why not throw 10 million or so the way of your alma mater and spread the rest around to school districts who are in worse shape. If your school can't make a positive difference with 10 million it is run by assholes who don't deserve to be running a lemonade stand let alone a high school.

The benefactor said she wanted to make the donation since she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease. I think it's too late. Word has it she decided to give this donation while discussing it with a Swifter Dust Mop she was calling "Mommy"

And Somewhere TV Jounalism Dies Another Little Death

After rebooting my cable box to get it back on track, my TV was defaulted to CBS channel 2. Briefly they were showing what was apparently Anna Nicole Smith's Mother(or Aunt, Godmother, etc) at Anna Nicole's grave site. Interspersed with this was an interview with this woman.

The video of her at the grave was accompanied by commentary of what she was doing "You can see her holding a picture of some kind and then she looks up to the sky and appears to be talking" What the fuck. So her personal grief has become the equivalent of Planet Earth filming a rare snow leopard or it's play by play footage of an NFL game. I wasn't sure if David Attenborough was going to talk about her travel patterns for the winter or John Madden was going to draw her up doing a 5 yard out pattern in the cemetery.

I am not sure but I think the award for this fine piece of work goes to Access Hollywood but I can't be sure. Not like there is any shortage of these shitty shows. I look forward to what the future has in store for TV Journalism.

Dear John

Hi, I'm Steve and I am here representing the Mother Fucking John Mellencamp Society.

Sports fans in the United States like me have suffered for too long. You know how it is, you are watching a football game and here it comes. That song, that fucking song.. This is ouurrrrr country 1st quarter, 2nd quarter, halftime. It's like watching a slasher movie, you know the sonofabitch is coming and you are powerless to stop it.

I imagine a cross section of American society sitting in a sports bar watching the local game and the commercial break reveals "The song" and old ladies and 5 year old little tykes look up in resigned distaste and say "Mother Fucking John Mellencamp"

But don't get us wrong. We here at the MFJM Society have nothing personally against Mr. Mellencamp. This is not like the Castrate Creed and Shove Their Testicles in Scott Stapp's Mouth Foundation. No, we are not against Mr. Mellencamp, just against having his song and accompanying commercials crammed into every orifice during televised sporting events.

For those of you not in the US I am talking about a series of commercials for Chevy, primarily their trucks. In these commercials John Mellencamp sings a song that says wholesome American values. Here are some of the lyrics

There's room enough here
For science to live
And there's room enough here
For religion to forgive
And try to understand
The other people of this world
This is our country
From the east coast
To the west coast
Down the Dixie Highway
Back home
This is our country

That poverty could be
Just another ugly thing
And bigotry could be
Seen only as obscene

The song plays along with images of rural, hard working Americans with little sayings like "This is our coffee break" and shows a worker in a hard hat leaning back on a log. It's like, you can only really be American if you are a hard workin' good ol boy. This is our country, you pussy liberal office workers can git!

More to the truth is that Chevy is saying "Well we totally fornicated the canine and couldn't put out a sedan that wasn't teabagged by Toyota, Honda and Nissan for the last 10+ years. So fuck it, we'll try to make bank on our trucks and play up to the jingoistic sentiment in those parts of the US that thought electing someone who got us into Vietnam 2.0 and thinks evolution isn't a done deal was a good idea."

Chevy has selectively used the lyrics along with the images of the good ol rural life to make it sound like a right wing anthem. There is no fucking way you watch those commercials and not think that they are making the hard sell to the Right. It has now turned me into the liberal version of Pavlov's Dog. I hear the song and images of Dick Cheney doing a soft shoe routine on the Constitution pops into my head. And this is wrong.

Look at the lyrics, he is talking about understanding other people in the world. He talks about making poverty and bigotry things of the past. A nice flipside to the current governments ideas of not realizing that you won't be welcome by a large portion of the populace in a country you "liberate", basing your serious economic reforms on less taxes for the upper class and pushig hard to make sure those strange gay people can't get married.

Dear John, why did you let your song be co-opted to become the soundtrack for a video montage of white people playing with puppies and kitties coming to a Republican fundraiser near you? Why did you not realize that although that there is so much good in hard working rural Americans, way too many of these pinheads voted for a complete moron and an evil fuck because they shared similar "values"?

I can see you have dreams John. We do too, we dream of a day when we are no longer assaulted by Chevy commercials after every time out. One day, Chevy's add campaign will run out of steam and we will no longer have to say.. "Mother Fucking John Mellencamp"

Shows I Don't Watch:The View

The View is a talk show featuring a group of women discussing current events and interviewing celebrities. In other words, it would take up time I could spend better elsewhere like cleaning up my room, reading or playing with my balls. Not saying I would play with my balls but you know I could and it would be a better idea than listen to this gabbing cluster fuck.

I suppose they are meant to represent a cross section of women in America. I suppose since we are top heavy with women in the Comedy and Journalism fields this must be true.

At any rate, they have new hosts. Whoopi Goldberg and Sherri Shepherd. Whoopi is a well known comic. Although damned if I know how she got to be known for her comedy as I don't recall seeing her say a damn thing funny. It must be a Jewish Media Conspiracy that established that. Now I know what Mel was railing against.

Whoopi's first discussion point was that people were beign unfair to Michael Vick for being a part of a dogfighting ring. Her point that this was a common part of the culture of the Deep South. Some people had some issues with that. For one, it basically lets anyone in the Deep South, including the thousands of people who find it abhorent, off the hook for killing dogs for sport. The other salient point was that Vick is from Virginia. This is as much the Deep South as Los Angeles is in the Pacific Northwest.

Joining Whoopi is the other new host, Sherri Shepherd. Who is Sherri Shepherd you ask? Well let me tell you I have no fucking clue. I am reading a biography on Yahoo. It says "Her love for comedy, however, was re-ignited after catching Andrew “Dice” Clay in concert". This is akin to saying "My passion for treating the sick was inspired by Dr. Kevorkian".

The only positive thing I could say for The View was that Rosie O'Donnell is gone. I would damn near rather punch myself in aforementioned balls than watch her. Listening to her is like nails on a chalkboard while having a prostate exam.

So if you can't get enough meaningless meandering chit-chat by well known people with little credibility, enjoy The View.

I Hate Celebrities Pt 1

Reasons Why I hate Celebrities #1 (This can also be called "Reasons I hate the media and a good portion of the general public")

They are "newsworthy" for no good reason. Everytime I see news on TV or headlines online, I am smashed in the face with a big cream pie of celebrity "news". I don't give a shit if Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt want to add to their brood. Fuck 'em, it's like they are collecting Beanie Babies. And it seems like other celebs are doing it too. They going to meet up with Madonna and discuss trading a Malaysian kid for the cute little tyke from Sierra Leone. Kids in the US aren't good eough, apparently getting a kid from the most impoverished nation in the world is like finding a Nolan Ryan rookie baseball card.

And it goes on and on with the break ups, the pregnancies etc.

While the general public sucks on the Celebrity Media Tit, a good portion of what is going on at local, state, national and international levels are being ignored to a wide variety of degrees. Most people could not tell you what is happening with the Taliban but they might be able to identify Paris, Lindsay or Britney from a vagina mug shot.

The White Shadow

I have to say something that I never would have expected to say... I was frightened by a Maltese. Ok, frightened is a bad word, maybe startled.

I was out for my evening walk, in deep thought and out of the corner of my eye I see this white flash darting toward me. It came out of nowhere and starled me so I kind of jumped. Then I looked down at this cute little maltese. She apparently just wanted to run over and say hi.

What was funny was her owner apologizing profusely as if this cute fluffy thing could have hurt a fly. I felt like a idiot for having jumped as a result of this little critter but that's what I get for not being aware of my surroundings.

Hey Kids..

I think someone should push to have Amy Winehouse host a kids show. It would work on multiple levels. She has a great voice and could sing all the old classic kids songs. She could belt out some new one's like "There's a family of rats living in my hair", "Janis Joplin here I come", and "Hotel Rooms Are Bloody Good Fun.

I could see the various characters that would stop by: Count Von Vodka, Princess Ecstasia, Boozy Hound, Snortalodadust, and Tweaker. They could Amy help illustrate little life stories, like it is ok to do a rail of coke off your boyfriends erect penis but it isn't polite to bite it then punch him and gouge him with your claws after he smacks you.

I'm thinking The Cranky McCrackwhore Power Hour would be a good title.