Dear God: Blow Me

Are you there God it's me, Steve. Frankly I don't believe you are there. I think that your adoring masses might as well be singing hymns to the Easter Bunny, Man on The Moon or Carlos, the Great 3 Legged Chihuahua In The Sky.

Just in case you are there though let me say something. You suck. I'm not sure what your deal is but you constantly treat people down here like they are a battered wife. Every now and then you stagger home from the Celestial Moose Lodge hammered and start yelling at Earth asking why they've been flirting with that Buddhist guy at Dairy Queen and don't try to deny it. You slap Earth around a bit till you get tired then collapse on the bed and sleep it off.

Then of course your followers put on a brave smile and tell everyone how great a guy you really are if they get to know you and that it was their fault they pushed you into getting mad at them.

I would like to get a restraining order from you. Keep away from my life you miserable prick. If God does indeed take those he loves then he's no better than the asshole you hear on the evening news who blows away his family because he wants them to be in a better place.

For once I would like to see you actually pull off some kind of miracle to help those that adore you. We haven't seen any of those for a biblical age. No, we get earthquakes to knock the shit out of your Catholic friends, drought or flood to pay back the devotion of your Baptist followers and a myriad of other shitty situations for communities around the world. Miracles of curing a few people's cancer? Sending in good weather to stop a raging fire? Pretty much no and that is consistent.

Well I guess I could pray harder that you will help out the multitude of people suffering on this earth. Then again I might as well write to Santa Claus, Apollo and Hanuman and see if they can give us a hand.