It's Hard To Resist Such Great Offers

Inbox emails yesterday
From: Budget Travel - Great Deals: Escape to West Virginia and Do It on a Budget

From: Ticketmaster - Don't Miss Nickelback

Oooh oooh I can't wait. For one, West Virginia ight have some beautiful country but it's better known for Coal Mining. Not exactly tempting. Granted it could be "Get Away to Nebraska & Kansas". Although if it was "Get Away to Kansas and twist Sam Brownback's balls with pliers" I would be ponying up some cash. Sam Brownback, wouldn't that be a good gay pornstar name? I digress, generally the offers are for sunny tropical locales or overseas travel rich with history. I get visions of black lung and cave-ins.

Then we have Nickelback. The lead singer alone makes me want to punch him since he looks like this complete idiot I worked with named Kevin. Beyond face recognition is the realization that they make absolutely shitty music. I thought the timely death of Creed ended this run of Cumbubble Pop. Not only would an evening of listening to this drone be a thrill, hanging out with the vegetables who plunked down good money for them would be icing on the cake.

Thanks for the email offers guys be sure to let me know when my healthcare provider is offering prostate exams by longshoremen with large callused hands.