Renaissance Primate

Die Charlie Die

2011-03-05T10:13:00.000-08:00

Charlie Sheen has pretty much paraded himself around as the biggest asshole in Hollywood. Not that he definitely is but he is making a case for himself by saying it loud and clear and repeatedly. I so hope this leads to the demise of Two and A Half Men(TAAHM). I hate this show. I can't say that the show doesn't make me laugh when I have seen it but I hate it for what it represents.

Two and A Half Men is lazy television. Unfortunately too many people in the US love these predictable ultra formulaic shows. There is no change in the story and there isn't anything else to balance that fact out. Plenty of sitcoms in the past have relied on relatively static story elements but they were helped with good characters and good acting. TAAHM has little of that. The characters are people I would typically avoid because they are annoying and even when you have good actors it's tough to overcome that.

This leads me to my other huge bitch with the show. Mr. and Mrs. America have crowned this mediocre fucker as King of Comedy because for too many of them actually having to think about a joke makes their head hurt. So while other shows with very smart writing and interesting characters wither away, this sloth rakes in the money. Charlie Sheen making over a Million an episode for a part most actors who aren't brain damaged can pull off is sick. And then there is that little mouth breather of a teenager who has about as much presence as an inflatable doll hanging on a coat rack. $300,000 for that job? Really?

It would be amazing to see what the networks could so if they spent their money developing some really interesting shows. That is not likely to happen as executives don't like to take a chance. If the gamble doesn't pay off you might lose your job so that is understandable. Although I often blame them for this lack of creativity I really should not. When America speaks loud and clear that they like their sitcoms and dramas largely unimaginative then why bother taking a chance?

Preemptive Road Rage

2011-03-05T09:55:00.000-08:00

I consider myself a pretty good driver. I make mistakes at times that has potential for problems but those are relatively rare. One point in my favor is a don't drive particularly aggressive. One way I deal with that is by what I call Preemptive Road Rage. I bitch and swear all the time. Anyone who has been in the car with me know I am constantly venting. It keeps me balanced. I have typically called someone a dipshit, asshole, or something similar within a mile. But it is only accurate because there are so many dipshits and assholes on the road. I call them as I see them and I do it often.

You Should See Her Summer House Made of Candy

2010-08-27T20:38:00.000-07:00

Adventures in Advertising

2010-05-04T14:40:00.000-07:00

I feel a new superlative for advertisements is in call for:

Balls on Chin Good or Balls on Chin Goodness

As in Mother Lover's Sausage Rolls: Man, they are balls on chin good!

With the decline of the traditional family and other societal changes I feel that some of the old superlatives such as Homemade Goodness, Like Mother Used to Make and Old Fashioned just do not resonate with the modern consumer. Now granted this is heavily weighted towards the male consumer but I feel that this will reach some of the female audience as well. Further discussion on ad slogan for products catering to female demographic is needed.

This brings me to my personal ad, Engler, he may be wrong but deep down you know he's right.

Humanitarian of The Year

2010-04-29T23:54:00.000-07:00

My leading candidate for Humanitarian of the Year is Lindsay Lohan. Miss Lohan has given millions of people hope in their lives as they realize they are not as big of a fuck up as they previously thought. For the multitude struggling to get by they can look at Linday Lohan and realize "At least I've never been stupid enough to blow the equivalent of a pimped out Maybach hanging at Chateau Marmont." Be it a coke spoon or random penis, Miss Lohan has always grasped the opportunities available to show people that they aren't anywhere near the staggering, incoherent Failure-o-matic that they could be. I salute you Linday Lohan, through your self immolation you are a shining light to the people out there.

If - 4/26/10

2010-04-26T21:55:00.000-07:00

As always feel free to play along in the comments

If your friends were to hire an escort for you without warning you beforehand, what qualities do you think they would request?
Does she like REM? Maybe ask if she has a girlfriend she could bring along with her (*cough*belated40thbirthdaygift*cough*)

If you could have a voodoo doll that functioned for one person who would that person be and what would you use it for.
Glenn Beck. I would have him go absolutely apeshit berserk at some huge rally. Maybe have him drop trou and hump Sarah Palin's leg followed by him trying to teabag Anne Coulter. Then of course he would try to strangle someone too just to have him run the gamut. Unfortunately that still may not be enough to stop him.

If you had to choose a television personality to be President of the United States, who would you pick?
Sam Waterston. He's bright, a humanitarian and just has that presidential feel to him.

If you could own a single prop from any film ever made what you choose?
Arthur's black armor from Excalibur, that was badass.

Musical Musings

2010-04-21T23:14:00.000-07:00

Can we get Lady Gaga to use caricatures of Muhammad for stage graphics on her next tour?

Has anyone took the time and explained to that nice man Michael Buble that he isn't honoring anyone by doing shitty cover versions of classics?

Does the music system playing James Blunt's "You're Beautiful" followed by Hall & Oates "I Can't Go For That", indicate that The Cheesecake Factory may have become a portal to hell?

Should Creed's new tour be called "Inflated Egos for Deflated Tastes", "You Would Probably Rather Be Kicked in The Genitals" or "Directed By Michael Bay"?

Summer Movie Preview

2010-04-21T21:19:00.000-07:00

This is looking like a light Summer in terms of blockbusters. Hopefully there will be the usual surprise or two that will do well because they are actually pretty decent. So here is my take on some of the upcoming movies. Skip to part two if you want to just read me bitching about movies I have not seen.

The Movies I will probably see:

Iron Man 2: I'm crossing my fingers that they don't screw this up. I really enjoyed the first one. This one has one element that worries me as they were a failing of other Superhero movies, a lot of comic book characters. In this case, Black Widow, Whiplash, Justin Hammer and War Machine will hopefully be tied together effectively. As opposed to X-Men 3 which tried to tie in TWO seminal story lines together and failed miserably.

Robin Hood: Russel Crowe has the disctinction of being the beefiest Robin Hood that I can think of. Apparently the deer hunting in Sherwood Forest is pretty good. This story has been done so many times I am really curious to see if they actually have a different take on the story or if they go for the retread and figure most people have forgotten Kevin Costner as Robin of Locksley (Park, New York). Hopefully Ridley Scott has something up his sleeve.

Shrek Forever After: I liked the first two Shrek but I thought the last one was really laboring. It just wasn't that funny. How will this one be, who knows but I will go see it unless maybe it gets beat to shit on Rotten Tomatoes. Looking at the new poster though I see the DreamWorks face is alive and well

Toy Story 3: There is no one and I mean no one who I have more confidence in than the people at Pixar. Being the greedy bastard that I am I would have rather seen a brand new story but I'm sure this will be a winner regardless.

Inception: I am automatically interested in anything directed by Christopher Nolan so I must read more about this flick with DiCaprio.

The Movies I will definitely not see:

Sex and The City 2: Fuck this movie. Do I want to watch a bunch of self absorbed washed up cougars? No, there are all kinds of bars around where I could do that. And don't even try to call me on being sexist, ageist or whatever. I've known plenty of older women who are sexy and don't act like them. Their personalities are grating by different degrees.

The A-Team: A is for Assholes, as in the Assholes who greenlit a movie to be made about a complete piece of shit TV show from the 80's. A is for Aggravation as in the Aggravation I will feel when way too many people will go see it. A is for Amazed, as in I will be thoroughly Amazed if this movies doesn't blow donkey.

Eat Pray Love: New Age Bullshit

I could bring up Piranha 3D but that would be like shooting fish in a barrel. Slow moving, deformed fish in a small barrel. Good to see Elisabeth Shue's career is going well. That's it for now

Gay Straight Man to The Rescue

2010-04-20T21:06:00.000-07:00

My gal friends have come to enjoy me as Gay Straight Man (cue theme music..dunt dunt duuhhhh) I talk prom dresses and baking on Monday and watch the NFL draft on Thursday. They can drag me shopping to see bad rom com and yet I persevere. I am the ultimate bench player. I can run in and commiserate on how the faux finish just does not work on that wall or hang with the guys and bitch about the stupid bastard who called a jailbreak blitz without leaving a linebacker to watch the dump off to the running back.

Just in case some of my dear readers may not get the description right, it means I know what a stargazer lily is, understands some color theory and enjoys boobs.

Due to Infrequent and Inconsiderable Demand..

2010-04-20T20:57:00.000-07:00

I have decided to start writing in my blog again. Some of my friends actually enjoyed me frothing at the mouth over the past year. I actually enjoyed some of the inane things I wrote. Not sure how often I will get in here. I am guessing it will be a bit slack until after the convention. I have to stare at a computer enough for that as it is.

I read back at some of my old comments. I don't see anything in particular I would disavow at this moment but of course some of the rants are more over the top of what I typically think/say/do. Keep these facts in mind when you read the blog. It's not for kids, people without a sense of humor or someone who really does believe a Donkey Show is fun for the whole family. Even if the donkey is wearing a funny hat.

Wake Me Up When November Gets Here 2008

2008-07-31T22:35:00.001-07:00

Once again we are under siege by the media carrying the message of hope and fear from the two presidential candidates. And once again I really don't want to vote for either. Granted this is a better crop than 2004.

You then had a completely ineffective moron who led us into a quagmire with little idea of how to deal with it. And the Democrats then proceeded to find the one asshole who could lose to him. If the Democrats were picking a playgound team for basketball they would go for the short, fat kid with asthma because he could diagram a great play.

This time around McCain is not as bad as Bush, but that is primarily because it would be very difficult to find someone that incompetent who hasn't already become a nominee for the Darwin Awards or is holding down an occupation that involves the phrase "What size would you like that value meal?" McCain at one time seemed an outsider, someone who wasn't business as usual. Somewhere along the line he strapped on the kneepads and started to fellate the neocons and give reach arounds to the typical GOP party faithful.

Obama was my hope. My hope isn't so hopeful anymore. I wanted someone new. Someone who represented a change of thinking. He still might be that. Some of his policy ideas just don't sound like the wisest moves so it worries me. I would love to see him succeed and get an effective team together that can get things done. This is the government we are talking about so I might as well wish for a leprechaun to stop by, give me a pot of gold, enlarge my penis and lower my credit card APR.

So, we got a couple more months of them pissing on each other's legs while whistling a happy tune. Hopefully I will survive.

Food Geek

2008-04-30T13:09:00.000-07:00

So I was at the little store across from the office today and they were sampling a new goody. A cheeseburger egg roll. Yes, ground beef and cheese surrounded by a deep fried wonton. Rather tasty. In geek gamer parlance this would be a Wand of Arteriosclerosis +1

Here's Looking at You Kid

2008-03-31T19:10:00.001-07:00

Just saw mention that Madonna would like to do a remake of Casablanca maybe modernize it and set it in a current war zone.

This is as welcome news as "God wants to remake the Influenza epidemic of 1919 but maybe modernize it a bit"

A friend asked how this would rank on the Boner Scale. It would make it an innie. In fact so much so that it would probably run screaming out of my ass.

Summer Movies '08: The Year of The Nerd Boner

2008-02-29T14:09:00.000-08:00

I love movies. That being said I have not seen a lot of movies lately. I'm more likely to wait for DVD unless it is an Epic film with serious visuals. This Summer is looking pretty huge though. All the comic fanboys out there are going to be bouncing around like little girls at a Hannah Montana concert. Here are the look at the movies that are coming out and how they register on the bonermeter.

May 2 - Iron Man
Not only was Iron Man one of my favorite comics growing up but the people attached to this movies gives it a cool factor. Robert Downey Jr. as a smart ass Tony Stark has great potential as does Jeff Bridges as a seriously dour looking Obadiah Stane. Oh and the armor looks great. Having Jon Favreau direct it gives it an interesting twist as opposed to Bret Ratner or any of the other safety helmet wearers in his directing class. If they fuck this movie up they might as well just end it with a semi running over a box of puppies.
Bonermeter: Zipper strainer. Major throbber. One eyed jack fights to free himself from the grasp of the Monster XYZ

May 9 - Speed Racer
As a kid I loved Speed Racer, one of my favorite shows. I caught an episode when I was older and realized, as a kid I loved Speed Racer. This one is just a bit juvenile for me, but it has potential for some fun action and visuals.
Bonermeter: A average Cougar when you don't have a good buzz.

May 16 - The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian
The first one was an acceptable addition to the fantasy genre. Plus it had the bonus of not having constant rants from that cocksucker Bill Donahue and the religious right. From the trailer it looks to be more of the same. If it's a bit darker then the more the better.
I don't think C.S. Lewis ever incorporated werewolves or lesbians in any of his stories which is a shame since that is sorely lacking in in fantasy. Well actually just the lesbian part but werewolves just make everything cooler. It's like having a big name rockstar at your party.
Bonermeter: Average cougar when you have a serious buzz and she has her hand on your leg.

May 22 - Indian Jones 4
I think Star Wars was the only major franchise that took longer to put out another sequel. Everyone think happy thoughts that Spielberg doesn't fuck up like Lucas did. Hopefully Steven will sit George down with the visual effects crew and keep him the fuck away from the actors.
Bonermeter: Fairly tumescent but unsure. It's the tease at the club who may go home with you or may just be stringing you along for some drinks.

June 13 - The Incredible Hulk
Let's try this again from the top. One of the big missteps in the recent Marvel comic movies. They will try to strike paydirt with a different crew. Let's hope they get the hulk to look good this time and not like the Jolly Green Giant in purple bike shorts. One of these days someone is going to have to do a bit where Hulk knocks over a car with his penis. It really follows that he should be naked when he transforms. Expanding to the size he does his pants would be gone. The ratings systems being what they are though it is doubtful that they are going to be busting out Hulk cock anytime soon.
Bonermeter: Flacid

June 27th - Wall-E
Ok, so Pixar movies and boners just don't go together in polite conversation. I am looking forward to this though since Pixar has not had a total miss yet. Even Cars which was probably their least popular was far better then most animated movies. The director also directed Finding Nemo & A Bug's Life. So far so good.
Bonermeter:Unmentionable. Getting a stiffy looking at a hot cousin (not applicable in some parts of Kentucky)

July 11 - Hellboy II: The Golden Army
The first one was pretty interesting and this next one looks really wild. I got a feeling that del Toro was able to inject more of his style and sensibility into this one. Ron Perlman is flat out cool in anything.
Bonermeter:Solid morning wood

July 18 - The Dark Knight
How kind of them to treat me to the bookend boner moment on my birthday. We start with Iron Man and we end with the sequel to my favorite comic movie ever. Christian Bale is the man. He has managed to play so many parts as to be impossible to typecast and does them all well. Heath Ledger as The Joker looks to be pretty interesting. It's a shame that no matter how well or poor he is it will simply be remembered in context of his memory. My only hope for this one is that they got a new fight choreographer or had him mellow out a bit with the quick cuts. It was bit too choppy.
Bonermeter: If I am floating down the river on my back I am yelling "Raise the drawbridge" Or at the very least "Up Periscope"

The Anti-Boners
Unfortunately we have several movies coming out that look like they are the equivalent of seeing zits on a strippers ass. They are where joy goes to die.

Sex and The City:I couldn't give less of a fuck if I had two fucks and you took three fucks from me and I wrote you an IOU. I thought the TV show was annoying to begin with. I would actually have to like the characters to want to watch a movie about them. Unless Chris Noth turns out to be a serial killer and eliminates each one, starting with the annoying red headed one. Then you have my interest.

The Love Guru: Oh goody, Mike Myers is doing another movie with a funny accent and visual gags that were semi fresh when Tim Conway did them a couple of decades ago. Mugging with Verne Troyer and self referential comedy is not making a movie. And I am fucking sick of seeing his goddamn face on Yahoo's main page.

The Mummy: Tomb of The Dragon Emperor
I will give this a chance to not be a total piece of shit. The last Mummy was a tea-bagstravaganza, with a screenplay written by 10,000 monkeys writing for 10,000 hours while masturbating. If they keep the action crisp and not too ridiculous and actually have some decent horror in it maybe it will be worth something. Since this sounds Asian we might have ninja mummies or shaolin mummies. Or maybe short mummies who are really good at math. Viva stereotypes.

Comics

2008-02-10T13:40:00.000-08:00

"My father used to wash my mouth out with soap, but that was just to get rid of all traces of his DNA." - Doug Stanhope

"I've got an idea for a reality TV show, Who wants to suck my dick for a nickel." - Tom Simmons

Adding To The Modern Lexicon

2008-02-05T14:29:00.000-08:00

Headless Horseman - The driver of the car in front of you who is so short that no noticeable part of their head extends above the top of the driver's headrest. Headless Horsemen can be a dangerous distraction as many people must take their eye off the road to see who the hell is actually driving the car.

A subgroup, The Gray Headed Horseman is one of the most feared creatures one can encounter. These wizened, hunched geriatrics display an uncompromising driving style that has more in common with Soviet charges in The Great Patriotic War than anything you might learn at the DMV.

PsyOps

2008-01-26T12:00:00.001-08:00

The United States Government should try a new approach in the war against terrorism. They should send out a mass email to areas that are considered hotbeds of terrorism. It should say something like

Dear Fellow Believer,

I do not wish to send you this bad news but I must. My brother Kemal has spoken to me from the grave. He said that while you will receive your 72 virgins when you kill the infidel in service to Allah, be forewarned they are all fat and ugly.

He continued to say that blowing ourself up and no one else will give you 14 non-virgins. Certainly they are not the untouched flowers you were promised but they are not bad looking and some even go anal. And for those making the self solo sacrifice there is an all you can eat buffet available.

Sincerely,

Mehmet Ghazi

Why not, couldn't be worse than most of what we tried to begin with.

This Just In: Life is Unfair

2008-01-24T13:50:00.000-08:00

Not a big surprise but we once again have the inequity of life slapped into our face. We have Heath Ledger, a talented actor and apparently a decent human being about to appear in a big budget movie that most likely would elevate his stature die. Then we have Britney Spears, Amy Winehouse, Kim Kardashian and Paris Hilton roaming the countryside. I use the term roaming the countryside because it has the feeling of some beat stalking the moors looking for a victim. That suits them I think.

Picture a foggy moonlit night, two hikers are walking along a dirt road. Every now and then they seem to hear a rustle in the bushes but write it off to wind. They continue to walk and the all of a sudden

*cue loud dramatic music* "BAAA!"

Britney Spears jumps out of the bushes babbling about Jack Daniels and moonpies in a faux English wearing pink wig, see through top and skirt that barely covers her lumpy ass.

You would totally shit yourself if this happened. This would be close to having a werewolf jump out at you. Possibly it would take a werewolf carrying an AK-47 and wearing a gold chain that said "Thug 4 Life" to equal this. Because while frightening you could rationalize "Hey that's a werewolf, how fucking cool is that" But Britney is the modern pestilence of the moment but with a side of lame. You can't get away from her. She is the Black Death with acne from fried chicken grease clogged pores.

Paris and Amy wouldn't quite elicit such horror. You could throw a shiny object and Paris would run after it and Amy would most likely stagger around a bit then run back into the bushes. Kim Kardashian wouldn't be much of a threat unless you were a black man, then she would launch herself on you like a flying squirrel and drain your bodily fluids like a Vampire. You wouldn't turn into the undead but you would probably end up with an itchy sensation on your junk.

That was a detour in a half. So to sum it up. Fuckheads 4 Decent Folk 0. Fuckheads win again.

Flashback

2008-01-04T10:05:00.000-08:00

End of the period Art class on the first day of school in 7th grade..

Mr. Graber: Does anyone know Murrieta Hot Springs (it's actually an area in So Cal)

Toby: I think she's on my bus

True story. I won't remember what the fuck I was supposed to buy at the store but I can recall this. Love every minute of it too.

More to come for the New Year

Dear God: Blow Me

2007-12-07T08:42:00.000-08:00

Are you there God it's me, Steve. Frankly I don't believe you are there. I think that your adoring masses might as well be singing hymns to the Easter Bunny, Man on The Moon or Carlos, the Great 3 Legged Chihuahua In The Sky.

Just in case you are there though let me say something. You suck. I'm not sure what your deal is but you constantly treat people down here like they are a battered wife. Every now and then you stagger home from the Celestial Moose Lodge hammered and start yelling at Earth asking why they've been flirting with that Buddhist guy at Dairy Queen and don't try to deny it. You slap Earth around a bit till you get tired then collapse on the bed and sleep it off.

Then of course your followers put on a brave smile and tell everyone how great a guy you really are if they get to know you and that it was their fault they pushed you into getting mad at them.

I would like to get a restraining order from you. Keep away from my life you miserable prick. If God does indeed take those he loves then he's no better than the asshole you hear on the evening news who blows away his family because he wants them to be in a better place.

For once I would like to see you actually pull off some kind of miracle to help those that adore you. We haven't seen any of those for a biblical age. No, we get earthquakes to knock the shit out of your Catholic friends, drought or flood to pay back the devotion of your Baptist followers and a myriad of other shitty situations for communities around the world. Miracles of curing a few people's cancer? Sending in good weather to stop a raging fire? Pretty much no and that is consistent.

Well I guess I could pray harder that you will help out the multitude of people suffering on this earth. Then again I might as well write to Santa Claus, Apollo and Hanuman and see if they can give us a hand.

This Old Winehouse

2007-11-16T10:25:00.000-08:00

I am shooting to get one or two new phrases thrown into the modern lexicon. If someone is staggering around drunk like a complete asshole then they are: "Doing The Winehouse" or "Chasing Amy".

Has anyone seen a bigger loser than Amy Winrhouse? I've seen someone comment that it is such a tragedy that such a talent is doing this. A tragedy is a bus crash that kills a kid. This fucking moron is shooting to be immortalized for dropping dead on stage from doing too much blow in between songs. I generally don't make light of addiction but if she is just all too happy to write a hit song over ignoring her condition then by all means feel free to drive right off the cliff shithead.

She has barely made it into celbrity status and they already need to clean up her image. I think they need to take advantage of her condition and work the lovable drunk angle.

I'm thinking of a movie where she goes to Iraq to entertain the troops. She does a rail of coke, drains a fifth of whatever is close and then stumbles out of the hotel looking to score some quality heroin. She then stumbles into an Al Qaida meeting by accident and all hilarity ensues. I'm picturing her chasing around these nefarious types with a empty bottle of booze in a Benny Hill-esque episode. I can hear the music in my head. Someone get word of this to Hollywood so we can get started before she keels over.

Spam

2007-11-01T23:25:00.000-07:00

I've been inundated with spam for a while now. Most of it goes to my bulk folder but even that is a problem since yahoo has a habit of putting something I want in there too. Trying to go through several dozen headers can be a pain. Not sure what all I've missed. I will probably have to get a new email address. That will be such a pain as I have so many onlione accounts tied to my current one. Not to mention I will miss some of my favorite emails:

Keep Her On It All Night (Who, on what? Come on be more specific. Is a Jehovah's Witness on a Trampoline going to come to my door)

Be Patriotic, watch the All-American Cocksucking Championship (I couldn't find this on ESPN, Fox Sports West or the networks. Is this on that new Versus channel?)

Gain 3 inches immediately (Again. Be more specific. Nose, waist or ass no thanks.)

This of course is in addition to the hundreds of offers I have received to sell my timeshare. I wish someone would point me to the damned thing so I can cash out. And of course I could buy enough viagra and cialis to give the entire NBA stiffies. So look for a new email address coming soon.

Classic Moments: Put your White Foot in, Put your..

2007-11-01T23:19:00.000-07:00

Ten plus years ago at a wedding (can't recall who). DJ's fire up The Hokey Pokey. Possibly one of the lamest tunes that show up at large gatherings. Only the Chicken Dance comes close and at least there's no singing in that.

Much like The Chicken Dance, white people actually join in on this stupidity. Apparently people from the midwest and plains states are genetically encoded to want to dance to this.

All these whitey's on the dance floor putting their left foot in and the left foot out or something like that.

The DJ's two black guys up on stage laughing their asses off watching these fools. Right then these men were my heroes.

The Latest in Litigation Excess

2007-10-19T13:40:00.000-07:00

Tommy Urbanski is heading up a great big ol' fishing exhibition in Las Vegas. If you are familiar with Vegas at all you might question where this might occur. Someone's wallet of course. Tommy is suing Strip Club Owners, a football player and the NFL.

Urbanski was shot by an unknown assailant and left paralyzed at a strip club that revolved around a clusterfuck mob scene that occurred when Tennessee Titans player Pacman Jones threw a boat load of money onto a stage at the strip club then decided he didn't want them to have it. Threats were made, shots fired and hell broke lose.

While I sympathize with Urbanski being shot and figure he probably has a legitimate shot at going after Jones since it was his entourage that seemed to kick things off, the idea that the NFL was involved is just obscenely stupid. His attorney asserts that The NFL should have had already disciplined Jones since he had been arrested 6 times before for various infractions. The theory is that he would not have been invited to this party as "NFL Player" Pacman Jones.

Talk about taking the shotgun approach. Let's blast away at anything remotely connected. It is not the NFL's responsibility to monitor someone's behavior. They do so of course but out of a business decision, not from public safety standpoint. That would be the local law enforcement's job. But then again, the NFL has deeper pockets so Urbanski and his lawyer would rather commit legal douchebaggery in hopes of a settlement. The NFL is a big target but not a good selection.

A lot of frivolous lawsuits are from people who are victims of their own stupidity and try to blame others. This time there is a real victim and there is someone who should pay but it isn't the NFL.

Britney: Mommy Bye Bye

2007-10-01T14:08:00.000-07:00

I just read that Britney Spears has been ordered to give up custody of her kids to Kevin Federline. The court gave serious thought to giving the children into the custody of a family of wolves at a wildlife sanctuary in the hopes of finding a more stable home life.

What is the over/under for these kids to have their first arrest? I'm taking 13.

Bill O'Reilly: Black People May Be Like Other People

2007-09-25T19:03:00.000-07:00

Stick with me on this one. I copied this from Media Matters.

During the September 19 edition of his nationally syndicated radio program, discussing his recent trip to have dinner with Rev. Al Sharpton at Sylvia's, a famous restaurant in Harlem, Bill O'Reilly reported that he "had a great time, and all the people up there are tremendously respectful," adding: "I couldn't get over the fact that there was no difference between Sylvia's restaurant and any other restaurant in New York City. I mean, it was exactly the same, even though it's run by blacks, primarily black patronship." Later, during a discussion with National Public Radio senior correspondent and Fox News contributor Juan Williams about the effect of rap on culture, O'Reilly asserted: "There wasn't one person in Sylvia's who was screaming, 'M-Fer, I want more iced tea.' You know, I mean, everybody was -- it was like going into an Italian restaurant in an all-white suburb in the sense of people were sitting there, and they were ordering and having fun. And there wasn't any kind of craziness at all." O'Reilly also stated: "I think black Americans are starting to think more and more for themselves. They're getting away from the Sharptons and the [Rev. Jesse] Jacksons and the people trying to lead them into a race-based culture. They're just trying to figure it out. 'Look, I can make it. If I work hard and get educated, I can make it."

I'm not sure what I dig more. Is it the fact that O'Reilly shows off how attuned he is into America or is the fact that Fox gives great lie to Fair and Balanced.

First of all, let's go into the No Spin Zone Billy. You fucked yourself. You fucked yourself long and hard with a big falafel/loofah. You really proved how well you speak for the American people. What's your next revelation the waiter at the local Mexian Restaurant doesn't sound like that Frito Bandido character that made you chuckle in your younger days? The Jewish guy at the delicatessen didn't try and short change you?

Ah yes how I enjoy you shooting yourself in the foot. Maybe you will take off your balls someday at the same time. But you really have eensy weensy tiny balls dont'cha Billy. Of course, this isn't as sexy as Imus although it really points to as deep a racism as Imus. Of course most of his supporters will not make much out of it because it is those uppity black people making a big deal out of nothing.

Of course O'Reilly and his handlers at Fox tried to spin the No Spin Zone away from it. Someone at Fox saying that it was an attempt by liberals to stir up an issue and how it was sad. Actually what is sad is that your shitty news channel continues to pretend it's Fair and Balanced. Ok, so why the fear of liberals? You mean nobody else might figure out what he said sounds like a Travelogue of a White Man 1962. Oh and Fox & O'Reilly's assertions that is a hatchet job by Media Matters. Please, we have the audio tape of the free floating association that black might equal normal.

Snacktime: US v. UK

2007-09-20T10:03:00.000-07:00

Most people in the US think of traditional food in the UK as appealing a pair of beige socks. At best bland. Although that is of course not true, when you are talking Brit food I think they topped out with bangers and mash. I can however with some certainty say that they kick our asses when it comes to snack items. With chocolate and crisps the British still rule the seas.

If you eat a typical Cadbury or Nestle chocolate bar from the UK and then it's equivalent in the US you will realize that we are being short changed by our candy makers. I am primarily talking about the big companies like Hershey's and Mars. We have some smaller companies that are turning out some good chocolate but if you are charging $2.50 for a chocolate bar it better not be a piece of shit.

The real difference in the chocolate bar war can be seen with milk chocolate. The UK bars feature a lighter yet richer milk chocolate that isn't gaggy sweet. The US versions tend to be relatively dense and seemingly so packed with sugar the granules are buffing the enamel off your teeth as you eat it. The classic Hershey bar? So fucking waxy and tasteless I think Yankee Candle could put out a chocolate candle and it would approximate the flavor.

As for the other major category of snack being discussed here crisps the US isn't so much behind on quality as we are in variety. Walker's and their competitors put out flavors as varied as roasted chicken, steak and onion and pickle. We have 400 fucking variations of cheese/sour cream and seasoning. Yea, we really are imaginative with our potato chips. I know there are some smaller companies in the US who have tried some different flavors but the bigger companies have yet to step it up.

Maybe the reason for the lack of chip variety is the US consumer. I can see how a lot may not be willing to even try a wildly different flavor. Or maybe the companies here have just not put together many successful flavors even though they tried. Doritos was testing a new flavor in a bag labeled X-13 and people who tried them were supposed to submit names. Apparently it was supposed to be cheeseburger but after trying them I decided the appropriate name would be Rim Job With a Pickle.

So, while we have Mexican food and barbeque to kick the Brits' asses in culinary superiority we definitely must bow to them in the realm of snack foods.

Generosity & Stupidity

2007-09-20T09:52:00.000-07:00

Just read online that a woman is donating 128 million dollars to her former high school in Philadelphia. I know it is her money but what the fuck are you thinking? Do you want to rebuild the entire fucking school and install gold plated drinking fountains?

Granted most schools everywhere could use some funding help but to lump all this on one school is obscene. There are thousands of students in the US sitting in shitty classroom conditions. Why not throw 10 million or so the way of your alma mater and spread the rest around to school districts who are in worse shape. If your school can't make a positive difference with 10 million it is run by assholes who don't deserve to be running a lemonade stand let alone a high school.

The benefactor said she wanted to make the donation since she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease. I think it's too late. Word has it she decided to give this donation while discussing it with a Swifter Dust Mop she was calling "Mommy"

And Somewhere TV Jounalism Dies Another Little Death

2007-09-11T21:37:00.000-07:00

After rebooting my cable box to get it back on track, my TV was defaulted to CBS channel 2. Briefly they were showing what was apparently Anna Nicole Smith's Mother(or Aunt, Godmother, etc) at Anna Nicole's grave site. Interspersed with this was an interview with this woman.

The video of her at the grave was accompanied by commentary of what she was doing "You can see her holding a picture of some kind and then she looks up to the sky and appears to be talking" What the fuck. So her personal grief has become the equivalent of Planet Earth filming a rare snow leopard or it's play by play footage of an NFL game. I wasn't sure if David Attenborough was going to talk about her travel patterns for the winter or John Madden was going to draw her up doing a 5 yard out pattern in the cemetery.

I am not sure but I think the award for this fine piece of work goes to Access Hollywood but I can't be sure. Not like there is any shortage of these shitty shows. I look forward to what the future has in store for TV Journalism.

Dear John

2007-09-11T20:35:00.000-07:00

Hi, I'm Steve and I am here representing the Mother Fucking John Mellencamp Society.

Sports fans in the United States like me have suffered for too long. You know how it is, you are watching a football game and here it comes. That song, that fucking song.. This is ouurrrrr country 1st quarter, 2nd quarter, halftime. It's like watching a slasher movie, you know the sonofabitch is coming and you are powerless to stop it.

I imagine a cross section of American society sitting in a sports bar watching the local game and the commercial break reveals "The song" and old ladies and 5 year old little tykes look up in resigned distaste and say "Mother Fucking John Mellencamp"

But don't get us wrong. We here at the MFJM Society have nothing personally against Mr. Mellencamp. This is not like the Castrate Creed and Shove Their Testicles in Scott Stapp's Mouth Foundation. No, we are not against Mr. Mellencamp, just against having his song and accompanying commercials crammed into every orifice during televised sporting events.

For those of you not in the US I am talking about a series of commercials for Chevy, primarily their trucks. In these commercials John Mellencamp sings a song that says wholesome American values. Here are some of the lyrics

There's room enough here
For science to live
And there's room enough here
For religion to forgive
And try to understand
The other people of this world
This is our country
From the east coast
To the west coast
Down the Dixie Highway
Back home
This is our country

That poverty could be
Just another ugly thing
And bigotry could be
Seen only as obscene

The song plays along with images of rural, hard working Americans with little sayings like "This is our coffee break" and shows a worker in a hard hat leaning back on a log. It's like, you can only really be American if you are a hard workin' good ol boy. This is our country, you pussy liberal office workers can git!

More to the truth is that Chevy is saying "Well we totally fornicated the canine and couldn't put out a sedan that wasn't teabagged by Toyota, Honda and Nissan for the last 10+ years. So fuck it, we'll try to make bank on our trucks and play up to the jingoistic sentiment in those parts of the US that thought electing someone who got us into Vietnam 2.0 and thinks evolution isn't a done deal was a good idea."

Chevy has selectively used the lyrics along with the images of the good ol rural life to make it sound like a right wing anthem. There is no fucking way you watch those commercials and not think that they are making the hard sell to the Right. It has now turned me into the liberal version of Pavlov's Dog. I hear the song and images of Dick Cheney doing a soft shoe routine on the Constitution pops into my head. And this is wrong.

Look at the lyrics, he is talking about understanding other people in the world. He talks about making poverty and bigotry things of the past. A nice flipside to the current governments ideas of not realizing that you won't be welcome by a large portion of the populace in a country you "liberate", basing your serious economic reforms on less taxes for the upper class and pushig hard to make sure those strange gay people can't get married.

Dear John, why did you let your song be co-opted to become the soundtrack for a video montage of white people playing with puppies and kitties coming to a Republican fundraiser near you? Why did you not realize that although that there is so much good in hard working rural Americans, way too many of these pinheads voted for a complete moron and an evil fuck because they shared similar "values"?

I can see you have dreams John. We do too, we dream of a day when we are no longer assaulted by Chevy commercials after every time out. One day, Chevy's add campaign will run out of steam and we will no longer have to say.. "Mother Fucking John Mellencamp"

Shows I Don't Watch:The View

2007-09-06T11:20:00.000-07:00

The View is a talk show featuring a group of women discussing current events and interviewing celebrities. In other words, it would take up time I could spend better elsewhere like cleaning up my room, reading or playing with my balls. Not saying I would play with my balls but you know I could and it would be a better idea than listen to this gabbing cluster fuck.

I suppose they are meant to represent a cross section of women in America. I suppose since we are top heavy with women in the Comedy and Journalism fields this must be true.

At any rate, they have new hosts. Whoopi Goldberg and Sherri Shepherd. Whoopi is a well known comic. Although damned if I know how she got to be known for her comedy as I don't recall seeing her say a damn thing funny. It must be a Jewish Media Conspiracy that established that. Now I know what Mel was railing against.

Whoopi's first discussion point was that people were beign unfair to Michael Vick for being a part of a dogfighting ring. Her point that this was a common part of the culture of the Deep South. Some people had some issues with that. For one, it basically lets anyone in the Deep South, including the thousands of people who find it abhorent, off the hook for killing dogs for sport. The other salient point was that Vick is from Virginia. This is as much the Deep South as Los Angeles is in the Pacific Northwest.

Joining Whoopi is the other new host, Sherri Shepherd. Who is Sherri Shepherd you ask? Well let me tell you I have no fucking clue. I am reading a biography on Yahoo. It says "Her love for comedy, however, was re-ignited after catching Andrew “Dice” Clay in concert". This is akin to saying "My passion for treating the sick was inspired by Dr. Kevorkian".

The only positive thing I could say for The View was that Rosie O'Donnell is gone. I would damn near rather punch myself in aforementioned balls than watch her. Listening to her is like nails on a chalkboard while having a prostate exam.

So if you can't get enough meaningless meandering chit-chat by well known people with little credibility, enjoy The View.

I Hate Celebrities Pt 1

2007-09-04T23:04:00.000-07:00

Reasons Why I hate Celebrities #1 (This can also be called "Reasons I hate the media and a good portion of the general public")

They are "newsworthy" for no good reason. Everytime I see news on TV or headlines online, I am smashed in the face with a big cream pie of celebrity "news". I don't give a shit if Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt want to add to their brood. Fuck 'em, it's like they are collecting Beanie Babies. And it seems like other celebs are doing it too. They going to meet up with Madonna and discuss trading a Malaysian kid for the cute little tyke from Sierra Leone. Kids in the US aren't good eough, apparently getting a kid from the most impoverished nation in the world is like finding a Nolan Ryan rookie baseball card.

And it goes on and on with the break ups, the pregnancies etc.

While the general public sucks on the Celebrity Media Tit, a good portion of what is going on at local, state, national and international levels are being ignored to a wide variety of degrees. Most people could not tell you what is happening with the Taliban but they might be able to identify Paris, Lindsay or Britney from a vagina mug shot.

The White Shadow

2007-09-04T22:58:00.000-07:00

I have to say something that I never would have expected to say... I was frightened by a Maltese. Ok, frightened is a bad word, maybe startled.

I was out for my evening walk, in deep thought and out of the corner of my eye I see this white flash darting toward me. It came out of nowhere and starled me so I kind of jumped. Then I looked down at this cute little maltese. She apparently just wanted to run over and say hi.

What was funny was her owner apologizing profusely as if this cute fluffy thing could have hurt a fly. I felt like a idiot for having jumped as a result of this little critter but that's what I get for not being aware of my surroundings.

Hey Kids..

2007-09-04T22:25:00.000-07:00

I think someone should push to have Amy Winehouse host a kids show. It would work on multiple levels. She has a great voice and could sing all the old classic kids songs. She could belt out some new one's like "There's a family of rats living in my hair", "Janis Joplin here I come", and "Hotel Rooms Are Bloody Good Fun.

I could see the various characters that would stop by: Count Von Vodka, Princess Ecstasia, Boozy Hound, Snortalodadust, and Tweaker. They could Amy help illustrate little life stories, like it is ok to do a rail of coke off your boyfriends erect penis but it isn't polite to bite it then punch him and gouge him with your claws after he smacks you.

I'm thinking The Cranky McCrackwhore Power Hour would be a good title.

Who Needs The Alps When You Have The San Gabriel Mountains

2007-08-15T20:31:00.000-07:00

Yahoo featured a little segment on cost conscious alternative travel European Alternative Destinations

For example, if you are interested in architecture try Prague instead of Berlin. I can see that.

If you are into art forget Paris try Culver City. What in the name of Van Gogh's left nut you say? First of all, if you aren't from Southern California you probably don't know Culver City. Secondly, if you are from Southern California you probably don't know Culver City. To say I was surprised to find that this unremarkable city is now the hotspot for up and coming artists is an understatement.

My surprise at this fact is equaled in the fact that anyone with a shred of common sense would have the balls to compare the two. Given the choice only a flaming francophobe would choose Culver City. Let's see.. Left Bank or West LA? Arc de Triomphe or The Golden Arches? It's about the whole experience if you want to travel. If you have tunnel vision when you travel you either have plenty of money and time to travel as you like or you are just an idiot.

Hey I can drive 25-30 minutes and get to these galleries. And guess what? I've been to Paris more recently than I have to Culver City.

For The Wanker In Your Life

2007-08-14T20:47:00.000-07:00

Do you know someone who enjoys flogging the dong, priming the pump, jerkin the gerkin or tossing off a batch of orphans?

Well then you need to purchase this little gem for them. The embroidered Cum Rag! No more kleenex, no more TP, this is the environmental friendly answer to climax control and recovery.

So, grab a pud and a smile!

Fishpen Anyone?

2007-08-06T20:25:00.000-07:00

Watching TV I stumbled across the ideal gift for anyone on your list. Who you don't really like all that much. The amazing Fish Pen! Fish Pen
It's the fishing rod that folds up so small it looks like a pen. You can put it in your pocket and take it anywhere. Because you never know when you are going to suddenly get the urge to try to reel in a couple of blue gills.

I'm not sure why they felt it necessary to make it look like a pen. It's not like fishing is some kind of taboo or even interesting behavior. I could see making a dildo look like a magic marker or having your NAMBLA membership card written so it only shows under black light. Discretion is needed at times. Fishing rod though, no.

I guess it is one of those gadgets that people think is cool just because it's there. Because fishing at the spur of the moment just isn't happening. In my area the only time you are going to reel in something live is during the bi-decade floods that swell the Los Angeles River. And that's going to be some asshole that thought it would be cool to try and cross it. You could go down to Santa Monica Pier but if you are going to plan a day out for some fishing you might step up to a real reel.

Maybe if you live in a more rural area you could break out the mini rod & reel to catch something. But if you catch something then where the hell do you put it? Your pockets. Hang it on the line over your shoulder so you have dead fish slapping on your back. Well, considering some of the folk I saw in Montana I suppose that is a strong possibility.

I encourage you to check out the commercial on the website, it's one of those beautiful infomercial moments.

"Wow,I always catch something with my Fish Pen"
Wow, and I can always score a hooker in Tijuana but we both know there are better alternatives.

"The Fish Pen, it's the greatest gifts I could give my Grandkids"
A. You really should be barred from seeing them because you make them cry with your shitty gifts. Little Jenny asked Santa for a Barbie Dream House and you gave her a food dehydrator and a book detailing how to make tasty jerky from game.

B. If your grandkid thinks this is the best gift ever then you need to petition the court to give you custody because it's obvious your children are unfit parents, or the money could be better spent buying little Bobby that new safety helmet and drool bib.

We'll See How Long This Lasts

2007-07-31T12:26:00.000-07:00

To start off with, a look back at some DVD rentals.

I went on a documentary tear recently, doing a pretty decent job of picking some winners if I do say so myself.

Who Killed The Electric Car

Definitely biased but still interesting, WKTHEC looks at the demise of the electric car concepts that emerged in the late 90's. My home state of California was a driving force in their introduction as they were mandating to car manufacturers that a percentage of their automobile sales in California had to be Zero Emmisson cars.

The documentary dealt mainly with the resoning why the Electric concepts did not fly mainly through focusing on GM's EV-1 and some people who leased them. GM basically gets hammered in this movie as a typical auto maker who produces a new type of car all the while trying to kill it. The filmmakers do their best to show how GM only produced the EV-1 to satisfy California standards and that when those were dropped they made the EV-1 go the way of the dodo in no time.

They wrap up the film with a short wrap up of the guilty or not guilty parties responsible for the electric cars demise. Although limited I still found it an interesting look at how and why new ideas face all kinds of resistance in becoming accepted.

This Film Has Not Been Rated

Another doc with a definite bias to confirm. The basic premise is that the MPAA who is responsible for the rating of movies in the US is a secretive organization with a definite moral agenda.

Although the examples are not in any way exhaustive, the interviews and anecdotal evidence show a subjective system that often works against the independent filmmaker and generally supports the viewpoint of Violence OK Sex Bad.

The MPAA will do somersaults through their own asses to say they are not about censorship but read much about them and see this movie and you know they are full of shit. They know that if a film is given an NC-17 that it is death. That movie won't get shown in anywhere near the number of movies it could with an R. And of course many filmmakers want to get out with a PG-13 as that will open up their movie to thousands of more ticket buyers immediately.

The MPAA uses more doublespeak than you average politician. The film gives you a good look at it. They are secretive so their members won't be "pressured" by the studios yet they say they are there to help the studios. They tell a filmmaker that his film is given a rating because of excessive sex or nudity but they won't tell them what specifically needs to be reomoved to get a better rating. That would be censorship of course. Although if your film is with a big studio they might give you a hint.

I could go on forever on the MPAA which is just a shitbag organization. It's amazing we have this little Star Chamber with this kind of power of one of our prized media institutions.

A unique approach the director took was to have a private detective seek out the identities of the MPAA screeners and rthe review board. If you watch this you will notice how well they represent the broad range of Americans. Think your local Tennis Club.

Guerilla

Patty Hearst, the name brings to mind images of her posing in front of the SLA symbol as "Tania". It's a fascinating bizzare story and I love it.

I highly recommend this particular Documentary as it is pretty even keeled in it's approach and looks at the case as the event it became. The film explores the people and events surrounding the case and how one person in the right (or wrong) place at the right time can have dramatic results.

The director never interviews Hearst instead he lets the viewer follow the case from the outside much as a person would have experienced it then. Unless you know the case well you are still left wondering what is going to happen next in the context of how it will turn other lives on their ear.

Watching this I was really struck on how the US at that time was still emerging into a whole new world. This was one of the first cases where TV stations could cover it live and mobile. The FBI was just starting to get a handle on terrorism and had no clue what the SLA was about and was forced to scramble as much as everyone else was.

I have to wrap it up as I have to get back to work but it was well worth it.

Here We Go Again

2007-05-14T23:26:00.000-07:00

Yes, once again technology is fucking me sideways at the worst possible time. Things were just going ok when the HP 130 designjet printer I use to print my maps started acting up this afternoon and I am not sure why. I called the HP support line and they were useless as tits on a boar.

They were having me go through the usual routines for diagnostic. I kept telling them I hadn't changed a damn thing, it was printing fine then when I came back from lunch it stopped printing the bottom portion of the map. They told me that the USB cable I was using was longer than recommended. I should upgrade to newer printer driver. Of course this wasn't an issue with the previous 200 prints I had made over the last week.

Considering we are talking Windows based computing I cannot discount some OS issue, but in the middle of the day? So I have to get after it in the morning and see if I can somehow make it work. I will cross my fingers, seems like as good an idea as anything else right now.

Premature Irritation

2007-03-31T00:00:00.000-07:00

I just saw this on yahoo...

WASHINGTON - Hispanic groups unhappy with an upcoming Ken Burns documentary on World War II are stepping up pressure on PBS because they say the series omits mention of the role Latinos played in the war.

The latest group to take their grievance to PBS is the American GI Forum, a Hispanic veterans group that has waged numerous civil rights battles for Hispanics and Hispanic veterans.

The American GI Forum is appealing to Hispanic veterans and other Latino groups to write members of Congress and their local PBS affiliates about the documentary that has been six years in the making.

This week, GI Forum President Antonio Morales of Fort Worth, Texas, and other Latino leaders met in Washington with PBS President Paula Kerger to lodge their complaints about the 14-hour Burns documentary set to air this September, Hispanic Heritage month.

"We are not going to tolerate this omission," Morales said after the meeting.

PBS said it would respond in two weeks. In the meantime, the publicly funded network issued a statement: "While PBS has been a leading forum for these voices to be heard, there is more that needs to be done. We will expand upon our commitment, particularly around the creation and delivery of content that better represents the diversity of the audiences we serve."

In a statement issued by his publicist, Burns and co-producer Lynn Novick said they were "dismayed and saddened" by any assumptions they intentionally left out any group. "Nothing could be further from the truth," they said.

They urged viewers to see the series before judging it, and they said they hope it will prompt discussions about World War II.

The Burns series documents the war from the perspective of four U.S. communities: Waterbury, Conn.; Luverne, Minn.; Birmingham, Ala.; and Sacramento, Calif. Burns has produced several highly acclaimed series on American history, including PBS-aired programs on the Civil War and baseball.

"In this latest project, we have attempted to show the universal human experience of war by focusing on the testimonies of just a handful of people mostly from four American towns. As a result, millions of stories are not explored in our film," Burns and Novick said.

The GI Forum also met with Hispanic members of Congress this week to plan a strategy to raise the issue nationally.

The GI Forum was founded in 1948 in Corpus Christi, Texas, by a physician who recognized that Mexican-American veterans were not getting equal treatment in veterans hospitals or receiving benefits they were promised for their service.

Their meeting followed one earlier this week by the Congressional Hispanic Caucus with Kerger and earlier meetings with PBS officials and a coalition of Hispanic groups that first took up the issue. The coalition is calling its fight the Defend the Honor campaign.

The controversy over the Burns documentary has been simmering for months, since University of Texas journalism professor Maggie Rivas-Rodriguez learned the film did not include Hispanics

For one, the documentary has not even aired so I have serious doubts that most people who are complaining have seen it in its entirety. And if the Latino experience in WWII has to be told in the documentary what about Jewish-Americans, or African-Americans etc. shouldn't their story be told in it as well. Maybe they are, I couldn't tell you because the fucking documentary hasn't aired yet!

Maybe this is absolutely dead on right, but I sure as hell wouldn't know until I see it and people should probably at least watch it before going apeshit. I definitely want to see this documentary as I like Burns' work. I look forward to commenting on it then.

I like the New Office, but...

2007-03-20T16:01:00.000-07:00

There are a couple of areas in the building we moved into that had odor issues. If Glade air freshner came up with scents in honor of the office they would have Bataan Death March or Cattle Ranch in August for the elevator. For the men's bathroom they could turn out Starbuck's French Roast Enema or Everglades Outhouse.

The problem mainly is one of ventilation. This building was built in the 20's I am sure and not up to modern standards. It doesn't help that the elevator's walls are carpeted and the carpet's probably been there for a decade easily. The carpet has managed to hold on to the body odor of the many people who have passed though its doors. And it's not even aesthetically pleasing to look at, it's got some stains ugly enough that a reality tv show wouldn't ask contestants to touch.

Then there's the bathrooms. I hear the women's is just as bad. Again, it is due to lack of ventilation. There is a vent hole in the ceiling but if their is a fan there it is got the breath power of a final stage emphysema sufferer. Sometimes when I go in there I get with a combination scent of coffee, shit, and occasionally urine. If the timed air freshner is going then I might get the whiff of burnt coffee poured over a pile of shit in a spring meadow. I don't know if I misreading the coffee smell. If I am correct than one of the guys in the Law Office next door is drinking way too much coffee. It's coming out his pores and he might even be shitting Folger's Crystals.

Overall the new office is great, a couple more vents and fans and it would be awesome

Payback's a Bitch

2007-01-31T20:28:00.000-08:00

Well, being in lousy shape is biting me on the ass at a whole new level. Signed up with a couple of health care companies since I left with my team to form a new company. Just got rejection letter #1 from Blue Cross. Let the fun and extra worries begin

Shhh... It's The Quiet

2007-01-31T20:18:00.000-08:00

Saturday night I went out to see a favorite band of mine, The Quiet. You might not have heard of them, in fact unless you check out my friends on myspace or are one of a select few of my friends I know you haven't.

It is not for a lack of talent or style you don't. They have not been signed yet, which is a shame because they put on a great show. I highly recommend you check them out at www.thequietband.com

My friend Rachel introduced me to Brendan, the lead singer and I've been a big fan ever since seeing them.

These guys are talented, can play most any type of music and know how to have fun. Their enjoyment of playing comes through and is infectious. If they don't really love it they are damn fine actors then. They have a particular knack I enjoy, they are awesome with covers. Their original material is great and is what the show is all about, but unlike most bands which I don't like to see cover songs they always do great renditions.

The only problem with the band... they don't play often enough.

The Drift

2007-01-09T21:56:00.000-08:00

Without thinking I just came up with a term that describes a good 10+ years of my life. The Drift. I openly admit to letting a decade or so of my life slip by without doing much in the way of existing. I let myself go physically, I went pretty much soul dead, my money went to nothing. I just didn't care. My world was very insular, my usual close group of friends and family, and not much else. This should not be construed as a slight to friends and family as they are great people and it made living in The Drift quite pleasant most of the time

I started to wake up about 4 years ago. It had started tenuously by getting back into a favorite band, REM. It accelerated when I joined on and got involved in murmurs.com. I met more and more interesting people, many of whom have similar thoughts on life as I. I discovered a whole new world of music which proved to be a real eye opener. Through the combination of new friends and music I got my ass going again to degree.

I've found it difficult to fight habits formed over many years. I've pushed some back quite a bit but others I struggle with. I have found that without some of my friends as near in the last year I have started to fall back again. I cannot let this happen. I will not let this happen. If my friends are that much farther away I will have to make an effort to travel to them a little more. If I want to try and keep up with the group who are 7+ years younger than me then I need to be in better shape then I have in 7+ years. It will take work, but that's life.

Song of Fire and Ice

2007-01-04T21:33:00.000-08:00

I might have mentioned this series before, but I will repeat my admiration for George R. R. Martin's book series that begins with Game of Thrones. The series is set in a fantasy world that is much like Medieval Europe with a touch of magic thrown in. I appreciate the depth and history Martin has given to the world.

Martin's world created here is one of Tolkien grounded in reality. Instead of elves, men and dwarves of differing backgrounds you have the men and women of Lannister, Stark, Tully and Targaryen. Each of these noble houses have a history, a personality and make for a colorful world. While Tolkien's stories are from the heroic epic tradition, this world shines from the unexpected turns derived from the machinations of the various characters.

The heroic epic fantasy focuses on a relatively few characters, but Martin's characters are wildcards. You can never be sure who will become the next major character or who will meet an untimely end. Being a protagonist in this series is dangerous and the reader is all the better for it.

So, there is my say on a favorite book series. the only drawback is that it takes a lot of time to get a book turned out, but the 5th in the series hopeully will be out this year.

Bad Timing

2006-12-27T19:24:00.000-08:00

I love The History Channel, some very interesting programs. They dropped the ball badly this week though. I turned on the TV last night to find out this week was "Armageddon Week". So, their prime time programming consists of shows regarding potential end of the world events.

So, we have Peace on Earth, Good Will Towards Men and then we transition right into all life as we know it ends in fire and death. I for one enjoy the optimism and hope that comes with a typical New Year and the good feelings from Christmas. Hold off on the doom and gloom. April right around tax time, now that would be good

A New Year Soon To Start

2006-12-19T20:55:00.000-08:00

I've let this thing go for so long I doubt it will ever get read but it's fine to dump some thoughts.

Christmas is rapidly approaching and I'm just not feeling the holiday spirit. Of course this is the first year without Mom and that just leaves a huge gap. It's just not the same. I've got a number of other things pressing on my mind, and all of it has combined to shove Christmas too far back. I know I will have a good time with my family on Christmas, but I could stand a little peace of mind on earth. I'm looking forward to kicking back in front of the Christmas tree, that will help for a while.

Big things are coming up for the New Year, looks like it's going to be an exciting one. Good time to start something new.

Monday Night Choke

2006-10-16T21:42:00.000-07:00

I just witnessed one of the worst choke jobs in my history of watching NFL games. For any of you out there who watched the Monday Night game you know several things. These are not the 1985 Bears. Rex Grossman still has great capacity to be a total piece of shit behind center. The Arizona Cardinals didn't just shoot themselves in the foot, they put a slug in their balls, kicking leg and shot of their nose as well.

I don't think I've been anymore disgusted with a team than I am after that. Usually stirring comebacks are from an offense getting hot. The Bears offense was horrible. Sorry Bears fan, unless you are a pathetic homer you have to admit you didn't earn this one, the Cardnials gave it to you. Yes you have a great defense but one fumble occured after the blindside tackle decides he doesn't need to block the defensive end. The other fumble occurs when James is dead stopped and decides sharing is caring. Then you give up a punt return for a TD. Amazing.

Gerald and I knew Rackers was going to miss the kick. The Cardinals had by that time shit in the Golden Hall of the Football Gods and such transgression would not go unpunished.

If it weren't for the fact that I like Leinart and want him to do well I would totally write off this team. Ugh, I love football but it can be frustrating

Commercial Appeal: Kyocera

2006-10-14T11:55:00.000-07:00

Two new Kyocera commercials I saw today, made me crack up. I love a good ad campaign.

Buck O'Neil - Great American 1911-2006

2006-10-06T21:34:00.000-07:00

Sad news today in the passing of Buck O'Neil, former Negro Leagues Player, former Major League Baseball Coach, and the greatest ambassador for the game you could ever find. In my mind and the mind of many others he was a Hall of Famer.

Like many others I was first introduced to Buck in Ken Burns' documentary "Baseball". If you didn't like him immediately I believe there is something wrong with you. His infectious grin and knack for telling the story of what he had experienced made him someone you would love to sit down with and while away a day listening to him. I dare say that Burns' greatest contribution to baseball was to introduce the general public to Buck. Buck put a face and a voice to what the Negro Leagues were.

It is really a shame that he just missed being inducted into the Hall of Fame when they voted in a number of people from the Negro League at once. Some of the voters felt his play in the field was not quite good enough, but there are plenty of people out there who say that is false. Many people felt that even if the statistics weren't as brilliant, his stature as ambassador of goodwill for baseball should have made him a shoo in.

I am not a great historian of baseball, but as a human being Buck was a Hall of Famer.

Viva Las Vegas

2006-09-14T08:12:00.000-07:00

Off to Las Vegas Friday morning. I love Vegas. For a short time. I could go to Vegas often but at short periods. Well, if I had money to blow I would go there more often.

Some people just hate Vegas. I love it. Vegas is based upon gluttony, greed, and lust. That equals fun. I live within the law and within some basic moral boundaries, and what makes Vegas fun is that you can lounge right on those boundaries.

Granted, the possibilities and degree of fun offered by Vegas is considerably greater with the money you have. I am pretty much limited to a short run gambling at the machines/tables, an evening or two out with the boys at strip clubs or a little of either and a show. Can't really afford to do it all. But Vegas gets more than it's fair share of people who can do it all and more. The suites at The Palms are the latest example of something for the person who can do it all.

Palms Fantasy Suites

Would I love to be able to drop $40,000 for a suite to entertain my friends. Hellll yea. That would mean I have some much money it's ridiculous. I love to treat my friends and these suites look to be perfect place for a party.

So, I'll be in Vegas to celebrate my Step-Sis' 30th birthday, and I will gamble a little, eat and possibly drink a lot. This will be relatively mild trip but it's nice to have the possibility of being able to do it all.

Mind's Eye

2006-09-14T07:34:00.000-07:00

Driving home from my Dad's house on Sunday night I looked at the El Torito restaurant in my perihperal vision. For a split second my mind saw the restaurant on the beach. The lit patio was not on La Palma Avenue but right on a darkened beach.

I thought about where this image came from. Did my brain make a match of this image with something I had seen in person or in a movie years ago? Did it assemble a composite image of somewhere I want to be? It seemed like a great place to be, but I'm not sure what the real reason behind it.

I know this has happened before. I've glanced at something and my mind took the shape and created something different out of it. One of these days I will have to see if I can read an article explaining this.

Ever have something like this happen to you?

Ridiculous food prices

2006-09-06T22:59:00.000-07:00

My parents met some friends and family for dinner last night. The restaurant, Spaghettini has been around for several years but I never went there. After seeing the menu I doubt I will.

I have no problem paying a little bit more for ambiance and some quality preparation but $27 for a plate of penne and meatballs in a red sauce is a joke. This place isn't Manhattan or even West LA. It's Seal Fucking Beach. For those of you who haven't been there, it's nothing special. Granted it might have more character than the rest of the area around it, but that's really not much of a feat. It's pasta, peaople not a big deal.

The other place I heard mention that I won't be going to is a sushi place some friends were talking about. Apparently, if you go for the most luxurious meal it will run you about $400. The fish better sing and dance for you before they turn it into sushi. There must be one hell of an ambience there, in fact there better be an amazing oriental massage waiting for me after.

I'm tired, more blogging to come when I am better rested and not suffering from writer's block.

Question Time

2006-09-04T19:57:00.000-07:00

Haven't been able to really come up with anything to write of late, so at the suggestion of a fellow blogger; it's Question Time

First thing you did when you woke up today ... Looked at the clock and went back to sleep

Time of day you were born ... I think it was around 8 AM

Ever laughed so hard you cried ... Yes

Last film you watched at the cinema ... The Illusionist, today. I liked it.

Would you move to another country ... I doubt it unless it was an extraordinary reason

Ever had sex outdoors ... No

Book you're currently reading ... Household Gods by Judith Tarr & Harry Turtledove

Name of first pet ... Shu Shu (toy poodle)

Year you first voted ... 1988

Ever danced in the rain ... No

First concert ... Bruce Springsteen 1986

Dream place to live ... In a beautiful house in a nice wooded area

First record you bought ... Simon & Garfunkel's Greatest Hits

Are you funny ... I have my moments

Ever written poetry ... Only for school

Favourite colour ... blue

First crush on actor/actress/singer ... No clue.

Ever done karaoke ... No, and not very likely.

Are you good at making new friends ... Overall, yep

Would you sky dive ... No. In fact, no fucking way

Last non-fiction book you read ... I'm drawing a blank although it hasn't been that long.

Middle name ... Dean

Any pets ... No, I get my pet time when I visit my parents.

Last song you heard ... Twilight Distillery by The Minus 5

Ever had sex where you work ... No.

Do you dream in colour ... Yes

Are you shy ... It depends on who I am around.

Favourite author of fiction ... George R R Martin

Most memorable news coverage you've seen ... 9/11

Favourite sound ... Wind rustling from trees

Ever been drunk infront of your parents ... Yes

On average how many times do you masturbate a week .... Certain people reading this blog just don't want to know

Last time you shaved a part of your body ... yesterday

Tattoos. Turn on or turn off ... Small tasteful tats are ok

Are you lonely ... Now and then, yes.

Do you believe in destiny ... No

Last song you sang along to ... Bang and Blame by REM

You HAVE to have sex with one of these people. GWB Jr, Hillary Clinton, Margaret Thatcher, Tony Blair ..... Gawd... guess Hillary.

Ideal political philosophy ... I have no clue.

Tell us a joke .... Difference between life savers and a man. Man doesn't come in 5 different flavors.

Last time you cried ... Full out cried, a couple of months ago. Teary eyed, watching Band of Brothers a couple of weeks ago.

Ever been in a physical fight ... Not since about 5th grade

Ever sarcastic ... Oh yea

Dream job .... Being able to design a state-of-the-art community or resort

What's the time in Sydney, Australia ... Uhhh...

Ever cheated in an exam ... Not since high school

Most cherished possession ... Not sure, probably all the photos I brought from Mom's

Ever kissed someone of the same sex ... Nooooooo

Do you have cable/satellite TV ... Yes

Last time you received a random act or word of kindness ...I don't recall. I'm not counting friends and family since they are always kind.

Do you believe in capital punishment ... Yes, but I've become more and more selective in it.

Ever read War and Peace ... No

Ever fainted ... No

Favourite song at the moment ... Andalucia by Crooked Fingers

What religion/denomination were you brought up in.. Nada, nothing.

Colour of the underwear you're wearing ... Gray

Last band seen live ... Minus 5 on August 27th

Do you believe in soulmates ... In the sense of people you completely connect with and could spend all the time with? Yes

Make of car ... 1995 Saturn SL1

Do you wear a watch ... Not for a while. Need to get battery replaced.

Do you own a bible ... I had one somewhere

Star sign ... Cancer

Do you fit the characteristics of your star sign ... My friend Rachel read a description from a book she had and it really nailed me.

Right or left handed ... Left for eating/writing. Right for throwing, hitting.

Last lie you told ... That I was meeting friends so I passed on some drinks with coworkers. Actually I was going to be chatting online with them but it sounds more nerdish.

Next holiday ... Nothing major planned except a couple of 2-3 day visits with friends & family.

You can time travel. Where and when do you go ... So much time. I guess if I could understand the language, the last year or so of Jesus' life.

Which sporting result would you change ... Most recent would be the Seahawks beat the Steelers and not get fucked over by the refs

A building's on fire. You can save one person you love or five strangers. I'm selfish with the one's I love it would have to be them first.

Do you like your first name ... Yes

Most used swear word ... Fuck

Earliest childhood toy you kept ... I have a bunch of cars still up in the attic

Favourite number ... Never thought about it. Maybe 14 or 21

Last time you screamed like a girl .. I don't think I can pull that off if I tried

Favourite film director ... Michael Mann

Ever been nude in public ... Nope

Favourite word ... Never thought of it, maybe .. Wonderful

Can you name the 7 wonders of the ancient world ... Only 5

Anyone Want to Be A Hero?

2006-08-22T00:12:00.000-07:00

Would you want to be a superhero? At face value it would seem like a no brainer that you would want superpowers. Who wouldn't want to be able to fly, be invisible, benchpress SUV's, or have a myriad of other powers?

Couldn't these powers be a curse as well as a blessing? Would you feel obligated to use your powers help someone at every opportunity? Would you use your powers to commit crimes? Could you take the pressure of having to save everyone from everything or at least feel like you should like the superheroes in the comics do?

Perhaps some power would be good. I for one wouldn't want to be the super duper super hero. Superman is the most extreme example. Superman is basically bullshit. The man flies all over the world constantly looking to prevent some catastrophe. You know how impossible that would be. There are billions of people out there and several million of them at any given time are doing something totally fucking stupid. And every one of them would be calling you out when you couldn't bail them out.

I guess if you narrowed it down to only going after the major disasters it might work. Where do you draw the line on who gets saved? In the comics good ol Supes saves people from major building infernos to even someone in an auto accident. Good, while you are busy with the 2 people in the car wreck a ferry just went tits up in the North Atlantic drowning 45. The man would be so busy, he would barely have time to eat let alone anything else like sleep or sex. In between the sleep deprivation and severe blue balls his flight path would be erratic as hell.

I guess classic Superman only did his thing in Metropolis, which of course would make it easier, but how pissed off would the people of neighboring Wilsonville be if they had a disaster that was left to the regular folk while Superman was piddling around with minor criminals in his town.

Superman is at the far extreme, fortunately the more modern superheroes are more "human" with powers. That in itself is scary. Think of some of the people you encounter on a daily basis and imagine them with super powers? There would be more people dying than being helped either by accident or design. How many people would step up to protect the regular people from the Super Bastards out there? Fortunately, I believe most people want to do the right thing. Some would use their powers well to help others and a vast majority of others would do little to help but at least not do harm.

I don't think I could be some front line guy fighting criminals. I think I would get pissed off so often seeing what they've done that I would end up obliterating some of the scumbags. That's generally not considered to be nice Super Hero behaviour. For me, I would probably like to be a super genius. I would be the one creating all the super gadgets for the caped crusaders.It would be cool to make wild gadgets that gave you tremendou power, but also taking care of life's little annoyances with one's inventions would be worthwhile too.

I think a leading invention would be a non-lethal device to modify people's behaviour. It would be called The Defecator. Basically, point the device at a person and it shoots a beam into them that makes them unload their bowels. No real harm, but if you just made them totally shit themselves it would probably stop them from fighting someone, driving too fast on the freeway or a variety of life's other annoyances/dangers. You piss me off, it's poopy time. If the person is still going even after they've shit all over themselves then I would know they are deranged and I should run away from them, or hit them with the Crotch Rocket.

Fortunately, I have no such worries about how to use super powers, but if anyone out there acquires some give me a call. I've got ideas. I'm a geek, it comes with the territory.

Workin Hard For Yourself

2006-08-20T09:42:00.000-07:00

Saturday I went down to my Dad's and helped them out with some yard work. Digging out some plants and moving them around in the backyard.

First thought on yard work is always "ugh, I hate this". It's work, I really felt how bad of shape I'm in. I've got a killer sunburn on the back of my neck and I will probably be walking like I'm 70 tomorrow. But after all considerations it's a good thing.

The soreness and tiredness are all from a result of hard work towards accomplishing something. It's like strenuous exercise to get into shape or prepare for a marathon. Building a deck on your house, planting trees in your yard or any other home improvement. All of these activities can be tough work, yet rewarding.

Just the physical labor alone is rewarding in getting your muscles moving. The exertion and exercise alone isn't what is most beneficial. I think the work that is being done to improve your life is what makes it a "good pain". You can do manual labor for a living and get the same physical benefits but it doesn't do the same for your soul.

In the case of going down and helping out with the yard work, my payoff is being able to help my Dad & Step Mom. They've given me so much, that being able to help them out makes it well worth the effort. I highly recommend beating yourself up a bit to do something worthwhile.

Yea, my fat ass, and leg, arm etc is sore but it's a good thing.

MTV makes me want to use my .357 for a remote control

2006-08-16T20:38:00.000-07:00

While talking to my friend Hez we both switched on to MTV just for kicks. I rarely watch MTV, because it seems that virtually all of it's programming is hip-hop, rap or Top 40. The majority of that just sucks in my opinion. Furthermore, MTV has reveled in catering to the lowest common denominator for a while. It took just a few videos to remind me why I hate MTV.

Let's start with your average rap/hip-hop video. It will contain the artist and...

A) His entourage B)Hot Ass Girls C)Everyone from the neighbrohood

The location will be

A) Nightclub B) In or around a mansion, especially the pool C) A stage with video/light display backing them up D)The neighborhood

Typically the artists will perform while everyone else around them will be dancing. And there you have it, hip hop video made simple.

I saw a video from Gwen Stefani, don't know what the song was but it was pathetic. She was dressed up like a chola and hanging out with all the homies. Give me a fucking break Gwen, are you that desperate to grab some fans that you are flitting back and forth from one makeover style to another. It's like she is spinning the Ethnic Identity Wheel, "Oh look it came up Stereotyped Urban Latina, wheeeeeee". Hey, maybe this is who she really is, which begs the question who the hell was she all those years before and did her husband realize it. Hope you enjoy your new lifestyle Gwen, at least until you switch to a new one.

Oh, and then in minutes we got the Black Eyed Peas. I will give them credit for making a fitting song for NBA promos with Let's Get It Started. They basically pissed away all that goodwill with everything else. The songs are godawful and they're biggest attraction, Fergie just looks like a porn star on the downhill slope of her career. She either looks pretty worn or looks like someone was liberal with the cosmetic work. I think even I could score with her if I had some high quality junk on me. I know I know I shouldn't judge a book by it's cover. When the book is worn, stained and being rubbed against someone's crotch, whaddaya gonna do?

So MTV, I salute you for bringing music videos to the masses. Then abandoning them altogether until you decided to spin off several other channels eventually going with MTV Hits and MTV Jams which generally look to be the same. You've set the bar low, let's hope we can reach it.

Time Out For Music

2006-08-14T21:24:00.000-07:00

I have picked up some new tunes last month. I haven't gotten around to listening to everything but I do have a couple of recommendations

Grant Lee Phillips - Nineteeneighties - Sure, he's loaded his album with great songs, but dammit it still sounds great. Some songs stand out more than others, I Often Drema of Trains and The Killing Moon being my favorites. These are just favorites at the moment, all of the songs are good and worth checking out.

Single: How It Ends by Devotchka - I discovered from the last half of the trailer for the movie Everything Is Illuminated on the Good Night & Good Luck DVD. Nothing complex about it, fairly simple instrumentaly. There is something about the singer's voice, this sound that is fairly plaintive. Fortunately I found the info on adtunes which has a great forum when you want to know music you see on TV/Movies in the US. Unfortunately iTunes' clip doesn't quite do it justice

Single: I Fought In A War by Belle & Sebastian - Another one I had seen in a movie, This time I had actually just listened to it a couple of hours before by strange coincidence as I had just bought the album Fold Your Hands Child, You Walk Like A Peasant. Starts off very spare, but it builds to a nice rhythm with some nice simple arrangements. It fits well at the end of the documentary Why We Fight

Someone Just Put This Guy Away..Now

2006-08-04T18:26:00.000-07:00

Eric Norman Olsen age 28, is a very sick man. He was accused to inappropriately touching a 10 year old girl in a class he was substitute teaching.

This in itself is serious, not many people are held with more disgust thatn child molestors. Eric decided to one up the charge, or make that 200 up it. When the police questioned him he claimed he had molested up to 200 girls over the 3 years he has been a substitute teacher.

Although the police are saying they are taking this whackjob seriously, I don't think anyone believes his story. To molest that many children and not be caught seems pretty unbelievable. Really it doesn't matter how many he actually did, if he molested one he's still sick. What really get me is that he apparently makes a case to the police that he is Uber-molestor with evidently no other charges pending against him.

It will be interesting to see what comes of this guy. He sounds like he very well might be a serial offender or on his way to be one. I'm guessing his claim was some twisted thought to make himself feel more self important maybe even saying it to rub the police's nose on how he had gotten away with it.

In cases like this and with serial offenders I think it would be have been interesting to have a background in behavioral science and be able to profile these sick fuckers to help catch them. It would be fascinating to get in their head, just don't want to stay there

Substitute Teacher/Molestor

And While I Am At It..

2006-08-01T23:19:00.000-07:00

To the Democratic Party, please try to find a presidential candidate who is worth a shit. Sorry, that wasn't eloquent, but true. The last thing we need is another typical, business as usual partisan politician to kiss the same babies and shake the same hands or shake the babies and kiss the hands. We need new blood and we need someone different. The Republicans are as beatable as ever and if you fuck this up you deserve to be strip searched by Dick Cheney at Guantanamo.

If the Democratic Party champions Hillary Clinton as their standar bearer, they should be punched in the face just on the basis of total lack of imagination. If she is the best you can do, I'm going libertarian. There is no bigger snake oil selling, back room maneuvering shithead out there. And let me say this clearly and slowly, it has nothing to do with her being a woman. I don't have anywhere near as much problem with Feinstein & Boxer here in CA. The fact of the matter is that so many people violently hate this woman, I mean cause indigestion kind of hate that it would automatically hand a ton of votes over to the other side. So, let's see what can be done that actually makes sense if the goal is trying to break the current cycle of knuckledraggers in Washington.

Oh, and if you are anywhere near the liberal spectrum, don't split your vote for some thrid-rate Snowball In Hell party. Vote for the Democratic candidate. If you plan to vote Green, please go tie yourself to a tree in an old growth forest and stay there.

One last thing, tone down the rhetoric. Even if you believe Bush is the Great Satan and you believe in every liberal cause in an extreme way, keep it a bit quiet we don't want to scare the average folk in the red areas too much.

Here's too new blood and new ideas, or at least some serious repackaging of the two.

Sending Evil Thoughts To..

2006-08-01T13:34:00.000-07:00

The scuzzy bastards who came up with the internet ads for life insurance showing a little girl with the question in bold above her "Dad, what would Mommy and I do if you died?"

Pat, I would like to buy a WTF. Talk about sick and lame attempts to manipulate someone. There is another one with a little girl huddled in some crummy doorway apparently crying and it's point is that even if you die your family needs to go on. True, but make the point with a modicum of taste

I wish you people genital warts and itchy dry skin.

To Be American

2006-07-30T16:33:00.000-07:00

Sometime back in the late 80's/early 90's a customer walked into the clothing store I was working at. She was from Russia, and she mentioned about how she was having a hard time living here (California). I mentioned something about "culture shock". With a tone of contempt she explained to me we really had no culture compared to her home country. Of course the customer is always right, even when I wanted to kick her in the ass.

This event sticks in my mind since it begged the question to be asked, what is the Cultural Identity of the United States? I have been reminded of this of late as I see and feel our identity slipping.

The United States, as I imagine is the case with most countries, can claim some basic cultural elements. I believe that when most people really look at our history most of them see a frontier or pioneering spirit flowing through us. The self reliant, adventuresome, often brash person who pushed on into little known territory. Innovators, trailblazers, self made men of wealth and power. These are the people of the American Dream and the examples of what America was about. We were the land of opportunity. As with most countries, the cultural identity of the American belonged to those who had a voice. As with many other nations, the grander identity was not shared with all of its people.

The "Frontier Spirit" came at a dear cost to those who were in its way. Native Americans were pushed aside, cheated, killed and finally driven into reservations to be controlled and allow unfettered progress for the white men. The wealth of the agrarian South was built on the backs of slaves, people who were not even "people" in the eyes of most of the governments they lived under. In the North, industrialization was growing rapidly. Although their workers were free men and far better than slaves they were also less than equals, people from the Old World looking for salvation in the new. A civil war was needed to end the shameful practice of slavery. Further unrest and tragedy was needed to improve the station of the working poor in the Northern industrial centers.

Although often agonizingly slow, there was always progress. Progress, came faster for some, and could be barely measured in generations for others. There was always, however, a core of people whose spirit was driven not for the simple improvement of their or their lot in life, but for the improvement of everyone's lives.

As is common with life, the pioneering vision that has guided this country has shifted its gaze to various pursuits at different times. We have held out our hand with olive branches and hope to the world and we've brought death and destruction to those who have differed with us. We have sat idly by and allowed suffering and have spent tremendous amounts of wealth and energy to aid those in need. The fortunes of our less fortunate have been ignored at times and vigorously championed at others. As a whole, The American people have shown that at their best, they can do as much good if not more than anyone else in the world and at their worst have still not entered the depths that many have.

I see our culture fading from what it once was and what it should be. Progress has slowed. Opportunity is more jealously guarded. I can understand this, there is fear and fear causes people to lose their way. People see a growing economic giant in China. They see jobs that once were common in their cities sent to other countries. Most frightening of all, they see people who wish to destroy us simply because who we are. I don't see the spirit we once had. Our government seems content to consider business as usual a victory. Our vision as the beacon of freedom and progress for the world is not even highly regarded within our own borders. We had a golden opportunity coming out of the Cold War to do wonders for the world and we have done a miserable job. We are losing our vision.

Fear has clouded our sight of what the future holds. It is understandable, fear distracts people from what should be their goal. Burdened with doubt and fear, people will make mistakes in judgment and allow others to even make decisions for them. Being able to deal with coming change is difficult enough for most in the best of times, but can be crushing to those who are not properly focused.

Our future will come from how hard we are willing to work. It will come from making progress our priority. Our concerns cannot be about working hard to hold on to what we have now, it has to be about working hard to grasp what will be available to us in the future. We need to recognize that no matter how different someone else's outlook is, as long as it is not imposed on someone else it is no one's concern except their own. There should be no worry about other Americans' agendas, knowing that the vast majority want the same thing in the end.

Our identity as Americans is one of dreamers. The strength of dream and of vision is what has separated us from the rest. There is still much to look forward to, much that can be done. We need to put aside the petty bickering that drag us down and divert our gaze from where it should be. It is up to the American of today to ensure that they work hard to make sure future opportunity is open to more than ever, real progress that will benefit those in need is fought for and that the drive, spirit and dreams that have formed our culture are as vital as ever. Anything else would simply be Un-American.

Dad at it again

2006-07-24T19:12:00.000-07:00

Sitting at the end of the table out on the patio Sat. night after cake and ice cream. Everybody is talking which is probably a good thing keeping too many people from overhearing the conversation. This one actually took me by surprise. The she in the convo would be my stepmom Kim who keeps father safe from himself.

John: (pointing to new lights on patio ceiling) Hey Rog, did you put these in?
Dad: Oh, hell no. She won't let me do anything. The only thing I can do now is fuck.
John: Is that right? Yea, you wish.

HOTTTTTT

2006-07-24T19:05:00.000-07:00

Well, Saturday was a good time. We celebrated Dad's and My birthday with the usual suspects. You can tell it's a fun crowd when you can have fun even when it feels like you are being slow roasted. If it wasn't for the fact that the Italian sauages were darker than me I wouldn't of sworn to who was getting grilled more.

In the late afternoon it registered 104 in the shade under the patio. We decided that we better move all the tables inside and put on the A/C. That worked ok to eat and for a while to chat, but then it started to get warm inside. Turns out the A/C died and there was nothing but uncooled air pumping out. Fortunately a breeze kicked up and we moved all the table back out to have cake and ice cream.

Just goes to show you it's all about the company you keep. If it was a group of people I didn't care about, I definitely would have been bitching a lot.

All I Wanted Was A Beef Bowl

2006-07-19T23:32:00.000-07:00

Amazing how something simple as going to get something to eat can just drive you batshit.

For some reason I was craving a beef bowl from Yoshinoya. As I am waiting to pull out on to the street I am waiting for an oncoming car. And waiting. I at first misjudged his speed otherwise I would have pulled out in front of him, but eventually I had to wait to see what kind of asshole drove this slow. You couldn't have moved his Audi any slower if you turned off the engine and hoisted a sail above it. Sure enough the fucker was on his cellphone. People, if you have to use your cell when you are driving, and I am guessing the majority don't, pay attention to what the hell you are doing on the road.

Next I get to Yoshinoya and I get stuck behind Bud Abbott ordering from Lou Costello. I couldn't even follow what the hell the issue was, it was something to do about who got drinks with what combo and what kind of drinks you can get etc. The guy sounded like an indecisive dipshit but the girl taking the order was dumb as a brick. Her career future is definitely in the service industry. Then she had a slightly less difficult time with the woman in front of me. Again, drink issues. She needs to be sent back to beverage training. It was the slowest fast food of my life.

Finally I got my food. Then I almost get tagged coming out of my parking space because some idiot decides to drive in to the exit only side. Fortunately that was all the drama until I got home.

Fucking beef bowl gave me indigestion.

You need to Read this blog

2006-07-19T23:25:00.000-07:00

Not mine, but my friend Chris' getting in tune

Chris writes music reviews, interviews and profiles for an online magazine Chicago Innerview. He's got a great writing style that is very entertaining to read. He does not get near as many hits or comments on his writing as he should. Check him out.

Feel better today by the way, as I thought.

Happy Birthday To Me.. yay

2006-07-18T21:05:00.000-07:00

Well today is my birthday and the day started out ok, but by sometime after lunch I just bottomed out depressed.

Trying to figure out why is always the challenge.

I know a main reason without a doubt is Mom not being here. It just isn't the same without her around. For some reason today is tougher than most days recently have been. There is nothing I can do about that, but it doesn't stop me from wishing there was.

The problem gnawing at me that I can do something about is getting myself into shape. I keep on saying I am going to do something about it and I keep on not. Food is too much of a crutch for me in keeping me in a good mood. Need to find something else, but it's been a bitch. I don't know, diabetes, high blood pressure and high cholesterol haven't got me into gear lately, so I need to find something else. I've done it before, but I've got ot make a commitment to change my lifestyle. Stay tuned.

Saturday we get together at my Dad's place for BBQ and that will be fun. Right now, I've got a headache and I don't feel too hot. Fortunately I know tomorrow is another day entirely

Thinking XXX

2006-07-14T07:51:00.000-07:00

I recently watched a documentary that was made for HBO called Thinking XXX. It was centered around photographer Timothy Greenfield-Saunders' photo shoots of 30 adult film stars both clothed and nude. The nudity is about the only purient factor here and it's just there, frank and upfront but it is just them posing in front of the camera.

The reason I rented it was that the stars talked about themselves, their choice of going into adult film industry, and some of the issues surrounding it. It is a fascinating topic, I've always been interested in the reasons people choose to go into this, what these people are like and just any insight into the industry in general. There were some interesting conversations, quite a few gave you thumbnail sketches of themselves and their lives which helps to flesh out (no pun intended) their personalities. Overall I found it an interesting program. And since it features both male & female stars there is something for everyone. Gentlemen, after watching this and seeing the guys on the program, repeat the mantra "size doesn't matter"

A couple of portions of the show were particularly amusing. The footage of the opening of the photo exhibit in NYC & LA. The contrast of an elder "patron of the arts" type woman standing in discussion with someone while a huge penis hung above her like a fleshy Sword of Damocles was just too good. Lou Reed does this awesome spoken word bit where he is repeating what would be the world's longest porn spam, several minutes of offers for about every porn variation there is. He even includes a reference to erect baboons, comedy gold.

So, if you are interested in seeing what makes porn stars tick, check it out.

Forget Snakes on a Plane, I've got Spiders in Trees

2006-07-11T08:39:00.000-07:00

I love the Summer for the great weather for night time walks. What I hate are the damn spiders that come out and start a housing boom in June. Fucking spiders. ENding up with web stringing off my arms or legs are bad enough but having them slap me in the face is really disgusting. Fortunately most of the spiders around me are pretty benign, if I had to worry about a funnel web spider jumping on me when I was out for a walk I'm not sure what I would do.

I enjoy my walks and don't need these little ugly things messing me up. Still, they are better than other options. I almost ran headlong into a skunk the other night. I saw this thing about 20 feet ahead of me move out into the street and noticed it kind of jump around and then stick it's bushy black & white tail up. I did a quick about face and hoofed it the other direction. Now I'm skunk spooked as I walk at night having to keep an eye out for them as well. Nature can be annoying sometimes

Athens, GA

2006-07-06T08:00:00.000-07:00

I said I was going to talk more about Athens more but since it has been delayed so much I will cut it short since I have said plenty about it other places.

Athens is a nice little town, which occasionally is home to some very big events. I imagine every UGA football game makes the town a madhouse and it is home to a couple of music festivals. The great thing about going to Athfest is that although there were dozens of bands playing, their regional draw still made it a relatively small event. It was a definite nice change from the Los Angeles music festivals which are usually just a packed clusterfuck that feature extraordinarily long lines to get ultra expensive food or drink. There is something to be said about bands who have earned their way playing for a regional crowd and never having broke out and "made it".

For the most part the crowds at the different venues were fairly quiet and attentive to performers which was nice. Too often I go to a show and there are a lot of people talking away through and opening act. Irritating as hell. If you want to have a long conversation, go outside since I don't want to hear you droning on while trying to hear the band.

ALl in all Athens was a nice change. Slower paced, a brief step away from the rat race. A chance to hang out in people with people I've talked with online only and those I have met before. New friends old friends, all in all good people, good times. It would be nice if I could do this more often, but then again I guess the rarity of it all makes it all the more special.

Athens, Georgia - Surround

2006-06-29T09:43:00.000-07:00

More later, but initial recall from Athens, GA June 22-25

Hear:

Constant hum of the air conditioning as I walk to my room, the constant exhale of it blowing in my room.

Muted sound of music playing at the outdoor stage as I walk into town.

Music, beautiful music. Spare, simple country at Nuci's Space. Brash loud post-punk and energetic guitar rock at 40 Watt Club.

Almost nothing except distant sounds of the town as I walk among the buildings of The University of Georgia.

Feel:

Sweat running down my face and back as I walk among the vendor tents, the occasional fan catching me, sparking new energy for a brief moment.

The icy chill of a/c hitting me as I walk into a store from the hot humid outdoors.

Sitting in a comfortable chair drinking, pushing away the slight ache in my body from walking all day.

Taste:

Bacardi Limon and Coke. Sweet, energizing to the tastebud, numbing to the body.

Soup, THE SOUP at East-West. Blend of curry and coconut tempered with skill to perfectly crafted rich, smooth and flavorful concoction.

Miniscule granules of brown sugar on teeth from Brown Sugar cake at The Grit. Sweet, yet not overpowering.

All in all, worth every minute, every penny

The Stepchild Blog Gets Canned

2006-06-15T20:14:00.000-07:00

I killed off my other blog, just was not going to go anywhere

Quirky REM Connection From the Past

2006-06-12T22:06:00.000-07:00

Early 90's,I am hanging out at KLOS radio station in LA where my friend Jeff was volunteering as phone screener. He picks up the phone and listens for a sec. He looks up puzzled.

"Some woman just called up and said, Tell Remy this is a fat chick and he can go to hell."

So with that bizzare message we wait until the DJ, Remy is able to talk and I follow Jeff into the booth where he asks him what he says and relays the message.

Remy laughs, "I said here's REM and Fall On Me, which is cool unless you're a fat chick"

So, there's a weird little REM connection from the past.

Airline Safety

2006-06-12T21:59:00.000-07:00

"In the case of a change of pre-booked in flight times please assume the crash position, that is bending over and grabbing your ankles."

I screwed up my flight times to Atlanta in order to make it easier for my parents to get me to/from LAX. I called American to see how bad changing it would be. All the airlines seem to be the same with this, not good. Sure enough, it would be an extra $535 to make the change, leaving an hour and a half earlier. Yes, that's it. Just to leave less than two hours earlier I would have to shell out over half a grand. So, on to plan B, whatever the hell that is

I Hate a Body and A Body Hates Me

2006-06-10T08:39:00.000-07:00

Specifically my body. I know I don't treat it all that great, but it would be cool if it didn't give me the finger back to me threefold.

I'm sitting here with a stye under my eyelid on my right eye. To illustrate this, think of having a large pimple under your eyelid and you get the idea. When you are happy to see pus in your eye becuase it means it's draining means your weekend sucks donkey.

So, thanks again looking forward to my next one.

It's Hard To Resist Such Great Offers

2006-06-10T08:23:00.000-07:00

Inbox emails yesterday
From: Budget Travel - Great Deals: Escape to West Virginia and Do It on a Budget

From: Ticketmaster - Don't Miss Nickelback

Oooh oooh I can't wait. For one, West Virginia ight have some beautiful country but it's better known for Coal Mining. Not exactly tempting. Granted it could be "Get Away to Nebraska & Kansas". Although if it was "Get Away to Kansas and twist Sam Brownback's balls with pliers" I would be ponying up some cash. Sam Brownback, wouldn't that be a good gay pornstar name? I digress, generally the offers are for sunny tropical locales or overseas travel rich with history. I get visions of black lung and cave-ins.

Then we have Nickelback. The lead singer alone makes me want to punch him since he looks like this complete idiot I worked with named Kevin. Beyond face recognition is the realization that they make absolutely shitty music. I thought the timely death of Creed ended this run of Cumbubble Pop. Not only would an evening of listening to this drone be a thrill, hanging out with the vegetables who plunked down good money for them would be icing on the cake.

Thanks for the email offers guys be sure to let me know when my healthcare provider is offering prostate exams by longshoremen with large callused hands.

Conservatives Rock

2006-05-31T14:57:00.000-07:00

My friend blogged about the list of 50 Greatest Conservative Rock Songs
This of course is much like the list of the 50 Most Influential African Americans in Indie Rock or the 50 Greatest Japanese R&B Singers. The author, John Miller who I will refer to as J. Dingleberry McFucktardleroy III sifted through the letters of his readers and dug long and hard to find some gems. Some thoughts from his quotes:

"What makes a great conservative rock song? The lyrics must convey a conservative idea or sentiment, such as skepticism of government or support for traditional values" Yea, liberals aren't skeptical of government. Funny, it seems like the majority of liberals I know are very skepitcal of government, especially when filled with lying weasels and fuckheads who stumble around busting up the planet. Oh, and what are traditional values? Ethnocentrism? One "Right" religion? I am really curious

More, by song #

1. "Won't Get Fooled Again" by The Who - "The conservative movement is full of disillusioned revolutionaries; this could be their theme song, an oath that swears off naïve idealism once and for all.Yea, disillusioned they haven't been able to tell everyone else how to live their lives morally and codify those thoughts into law. Also haven't been able to bring back the glory days of tickle down economics. Oh and all of these "revolutionaries" should swear off this naive idealism. So, forget about trying to change the future it's so naive. I guess sticking it out with the status quo is the new Revolutionary. Well, nothing like stick-to-it-ness.

3. "Sympathy for the Devil" - "What’s more, he is the sinister inspiration for the cruelties of Bolshevism" Ooooh scary. Bolshevism pretty much went tits up as a viable threat more than 10 years ago. Time to move on.

4. "Sweet Home Alabama" - "A tribute to the region of America that liberals love to loathe, taking a shot at Neil Young’s Canadian arrogance along the way" If you were black, Alabama wasn't so sweet. About 7 years before Young's Southern Man, Martin Luther King Jr. wrote Letter From A Birmingham Jail. 5 Years before Alabama State Troopers beat the shit out of peaceful marchers in Selma, Alabama. Was Alabama the only place like that? Absolutely not. It took The Civil Rights Act of 1964 and the Voting Rights Act of 1965 to ensure African Americans had a hope of playing on a level playing field. Young's song embodied the disgust of people over the racism that choked the life of African Americans in many parts of the South at that time. Damn those arrogant Canadians for hating racism. Let's sing happy songs and give anyone who doesn't like our little way of life the finger.

I could go on and on. This list is chock full of bullshit. He reaches and tries to ascribe conservative ideals to many songs where they don't belong. He also lists a number of songs that are from such a different era that you would be considered to be considerably backwards to still identify with them. Oh, and I want to point out a particularly fucked observation regarding #28 Janie's Got A Gun "How the right to bear arms can protect women from sexual predators" Pathetic. I in fact support the right to bear arms, but using that as an example of how it is GOOD is just reaching. In fact it would have been more gratifying if it was Janie Cut His Cock Off With a Dull Knife. I suppose that tite wouldn't allow it to be sold in Wal-Mart though.

Well, I could call this guy a name all day, but I've had enough

Historical Thinking

2006-05-09T00:48:00.000-07:00

I love history, but i have not read nearly enough of it in recent years. I am going to try to rectify that. I will go back to my favorite subject, World War 2. Why? Because it doesn't get any bigger than this. There are so many different ways to look it, but I am going to after some thoughts:

1. Reaffirming my senior seminar class from college. I wrote a shitty paper and still got an A. Thesis wasn't clear, support was crap, but I lucked out. Definitely better to be lucky than good in this case. I want to rexamine the topic though.

The topic was basically; Germany's primary failure to win it's goals in World War II stemmed directly from war planning that not only did not anticipate the true nature of the coming war but was also counter-productive to its own military goals. This will take a long time, but it is something worthwhile to look at again.

2. Historical what-if's are fascinating. I love reading alternative history. Well done they are like Science Fiction, the world we know turned upside down. I want to read more on some subject to better understand what might have been if different actions were taken. Some early contenders:

A. What if Hitler comitted a significant portion of his invasion force to drive on the Allied forces in Dunkirk? Could he have split forces and both held any counterattack and destroy the retreating force? If a majority of over 200,000 British troops surrendered, would it effectively knock Britain out of the war?

B. If Hitler held back from further aggressive moves after fully reincorporating the Rhineland for a year or two extra could he have bought more time for his armed forces to prepare without his future enemies making as significant improvements themselves?

Those will be more than enough to read up on. I'm sure it will be quite awhile before I come close to better understanding the situations.

Now that I've put everyone to sleep..

Useless

2006-05-08T17:39:00.000-07:00

I just saw a Lincoln pick up truck for the first time, Mark XL or something like that. This idiot had the thing all chromed up and totally decked out. What the fuck do you need a beautified pick up truck for. It's useless. You can't use it for utility because it's glitzed up you can't haul more thant 2 people in comfort. Useful. This guy probably has a designer cockring made at Tiffany's. Moron

Music Update

2006-05-08T16:48:00.000-07:00

What I am listening to right now:

Mark Lanegan - Not intended for bringing you into an up mood or stirring you to action for sure. The album I'll Take Care of You is made up of cover versions of folk, country & blues songs, and the collection isn't of some of the more popular of the genre. The variety is a nice collection of songs of different musical roots. Although the mood is at best subdued through the entire album it is worth a listen to when chilling out. Lanegan's voice is perfect for the mood of the songs, apparently this mood is something that most of his albums have in common. My favorite is Creeping Coastline of Lights, a song that just hypnotizes me. If this song hasn't been used for a movie shot panning along Coastal Los Angeles it needs to be.

The The - This is the Day and Uncertain Smile have been favorites of mine for a long time, but I recently found another song I now love. Pillar Box Red. Not sure what it is about the song but it just grabs me. Perhaps it is the emotion that builds in the song yet doesn't go overboard. Whatever it is I love it.

Recent Groups to check out:
The M's
Voxtrot

Music I could do without for years to come:
James Blunt - You're beautiful, you're beautiful.. you're fucking sappy

Black Eyed Peas - The only thing decent they did was Let's Get it Started for NBA promos. Then they made "My Humps" and Fergie pissed her pants and it's gone to hell from there.

Hollabackgirl by Gwen Stefani - My new inductee into the Total Shit Music Hall of Fame. Congratulatios Gwen

Back Online

2006-05-08T16:46:00.000-07:00

Work has been incessant, but I have the fortune/misfortune to need to print for hours on end. The good thing is that I can't spool out a lot of jobs at once so I can't work on any new maps while printing. So I get time to cruise Murmurs and write.

Time Flies...

2006-04-18T21:21:00.000-07:00

.. when you are having fun and under a deadline.

First for the fun:

Oahu was a great time, not sure how I ever lost the love I had for the islands, must have been when I went soul dead in my latter 20's. I wasn't all that jazzed about Oahu in itself, but once there the island breezes just brought it back. I've always said that "perfect" is evening in the low 70's with a warm breeze and Oahu was close enough.

The wedding went well overall, the only slight hiccup being a little rain while we were standing up there but it was short-lived and warm enough where it didn't matter. You can't plan anything outdoors there without figuring you will get some rain. It was good to spend time with everyone. Jeff is for all intensive purposes my brother, we've been best friends for over 25 years. I'm Uncle Steve to his daughter Jaida and his parents are like Uncle and Aunt to me. I've known Jeff's wife, Angelique for years as well they actually dated for a while in high school before going their separate ways. They remained friends and then started dating again about 4 years ago. It's a great family situation, her parents are great people as well and are good friends with Jeff's parents so no trouble with the inlaws.

Most of the photos are from wedding taken by Jeff's Dad. I managed to get a few good shots in there.

I called it, the flight back from Hawaii was misery. I didn't realize it, but the seat I chose online got bumped out of the system so I was part of a group of unlucky bastards who had to wait until the end to get seat assignment. Of course I get stuck in a middle seat, so I am wedged between two other guys with my arms glued to my side. We are not in the ari long before a little kid in the row across the aisle from me starts to have a total fit. I don't sleep well on planes so I wasn't one of the unfortunate one's woken up. This kid pulled the same thing a little later and then another child a couple rows up acted up later in the flight. No more red eye flights unless I have to.

Now for the not so fun. I'm playing the part of the bottom boy to work and will for next couple of weeks. I have massive amounts of work and I'm behind so I will be scarce. I will find time to take a break now and then but you gotta do what you gotta do. The next two weeks are the most critical so wish me luck. I'm trying to get it all done without resorting to pulling the 4AM-6PM+ shifts I have done more times than I care to consider. We shall see.

Link to my photos (have to copy and paste.. html is not showing up right)

http://pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/dabigeng/album?.dir=31ae&.src=ph&store=&prodid=&.done=http%3a//pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/dabigeng/my_photos

Aloha

2006-04-09T15:03:00.000-07:00

I am outta here. Gone to Oahu for Jeff's wedding. I am the best man, but then again, you knew that didn't you? Didn't you?

I fly back on Thursday night, get in Friday at 6AM in LAX. Yea looking forward to that flight. Odds of screaming child onboard 3-2.

I am looking forward to the tropics. I think the humidity is up there.. High of 77 with low of 70 is the prediction. Yea, not sitting on anything leather or vinyl if possible

It's all Good

2006-04-09T14:56:00.001-07:00

I was watching TV the other day and they had a blurb for evening news "Next, a diet that is good for high blood pressure"

This was followed by a commercial for Honeybaked ham

I am down with this diet.

On the front page of Travelocity.. "You've got what it takes to become an organ donor"

I've always aspired for better, I'm glad someone recognizes the greatness in me.

It's all Good

2006-04-09T14:56:00.000-07:00

You've Got Email (With hot teens sucking...)

2006-04-04T22:49:00.000-07:00

I want to write more in my blog, but work is pretty heavy right now and then I am gone most of next week to Oahu for Jeff's wedding. I have been enjoying writing more of late, but work is eating up my time.

One thing before I go. I am getting tired of spam. In fact I might change yahoo email in the hopes of dodging as much as I am getting. Although I would miss out on the email with the subject header:

You always wanted to use your penis as a billiards cue. Well, not really. I would be happy with a couple more inches sure, but to be able to the 8 in the corner pocket with my johnson? A bit extreme

I would also miss all the varieties of ways they misspell words to try an bypass spam filters. Nothing gets me more aroused than reading about Hott whroes being peneatrated anelly for my enjoyment. Come on, it's like having someone with a speech impediment on a 976 number.

If I decided to take advantage of all the bestiality, rape fantasies, MILF action and bukkake extravaganzas it would be like starring in Being Rick Santorum.

So, my friends keep writing, I enjoy hearing from you just don't put anything about bitch teen girl slut cum sex in the subject line. Fortunately (or unfortunately as the case may be), most of you do not have occassion to begin an email as such, but those are some of my filtered words. Sad, I have to eliminate some of those choice terms, but it saves having to find your email to between the invitation to barnyardlovin.com and the 400th ad to either refinance or give me a huge hard-on.

State of Mind 2

2006-03-29T23:17:00.000-08:00

Wilderness Retreats
Blue State: Exorbitantly priced resorts used to get away from the stresses of the city and business world. Often involves spa treatment and rounds of golf

Red State: Ramshackle cabins or compounds used to get away from the stressful attention of the State or Federal authorities. Often involves writing manifestos, cooking up meth or stockpiling firearms.

If - March 29th

2006-03-29T22:56:00.000-08:00

Haven't done an If segment for a while, play along at home
IF..

You were to prescribe a cure for grief, what would it entail?
Time and good friends. It will take time to soften the blow and then time spent with good friends to put life back in perspective.

You had to pick the nationality of people that you find the most attractive, which would it be?
I would have to say that the women I have seen from a number of the Eastern European countries namely former Czechoslovakia & Yugoslavia are hands down the most beautiful.

You could have your portrait painted by any painter in history, to whom would you give the commission?
John Singer Sargent. He captured not only the likeness of his subjects he captured their personality. His subjects always held a nobility about them no matter who it was.

You could say one sentence to the current Pope, what would it be?
You know, the whole ant-gay and anti birth control thing probably was important when the chosen people needed to procreate, but we've kind of passed that point.

And I would like to thank our friends from Britain & France

2006-03-29T22:25:00.000-08:00

The USA is about as popular with the world as herpes right now. Not a surprise since our foreign policy is in the hands of Dick Cheney. On a "in good hands" spectrum that ranks right around trying to keep your daughter safe by sending her to the R. Kelly/Roman Polanski Camp for Troubled Nubile Teen Girls.

Yes, we are stirring up a ton of shit and yes it hasn't made anyone safer anywhere. Part of all this stems from trying to clean up messes. The US is responsible for a number of messes we try to clean up later. That's what happens when you project power, sometimes you remedy one problem, but the side effect is a bitch. After just finishing up a book I am reminded that much of the messes the world is dealing with today branch out from one direction, the the great colonial game played out between European powers.

If you look at most of the trouble spots in Africa & Middle East at the very least, you can probably trace some foundation of their troubles to colonial ambitions of Britain, France or one of the lesser European nations. They fucked over the native population by sucking up their natural resources with little return. They often did their best to tear apart the local culture to make it in the image of the colonizer.

And in their inherent wisdom, Europeans created what would become new countries out of agreements they made with each other. Putting together long standing rivals in one boundary was not a problem as long as Britain was ok with it and fit well with colonial companies plans. Why do so many of these countries have some many problems today? Try putting together a new Nation made up of White Supremacists, Nation of Islam, Atheists and Neo-Cons. See how that works for you. It's called grease fire in an ammo dump. Not a big surprise when you consider that most of these countries did not exist as truly independent until 50-60 years ago at best. We've had a long head start on them, hopefully they will peacefully elect and re-elect a cumbubble of a president themselves before long.

Sure we have screwed up plenty of countries, but I just wanted to give a shout out to our pals overseas, the world just wouldn't have been the same without you

Inside Man

2006-03-28T21:25:00.000-08:00

It's been a lean period for movies out in the theater for a while. Fortunately I just saw a movie that ended the drought.

Inside Man with Denzel, Jodie Foster, & Clive Owen and plenty of other good cast members. Although the story left me with a couple of questions, overall it wasa nice clever heist movie, always a good time. The dialogue was lively, the setting nicely done even if it was a bit static and the pace kept at a good tempo. Spike Lee directed it and it has to be one of his better movies in a long time. Definitely worth the ticket price and missed car payment to pay for the popcorn, candy & drink

State of Mind

2006-03-28T21:09:00.000-08:00

Jeff Tweedy pointed out that there are no Blue or Red States, if anything they are Purple. Very true, there are pockets of liberals and conservatives all over. Some places are deeper shade than others for sure. For those folks out there who are confused, allow me to give you today's example of the color state's state of mind.

Bear Hunting
Red State: Requires outdoor attire, knowledge of their habitat, and considerable skill in tracking them.
Blue State: Requires stepping-out attire, knowledge of proper search terms for craigslist and possible trip to local flea market, arts district or clubs.

Vegas, Baby

2006-03-24T16:11:00.000-08:00

I was writing a long post about Vegas but it just wasn't going the way I liked it. Here is a brief capsulization

My roommate Gerald lost $1,000 in the first hour and a half we were there and may have made some of that back up by the end.

We had to help the bachelor, Jeff back to his room twice. Once Saturday about 4 PM, then again about 4 AM. At least he spread it out 12 hours.

Vegas topless clubs are fun after all. Apparently I just didn't like LA strip clubs, been so long since I been there not even sure why I didn't like them. Cesar and John asked me if I was going to sign over my Saturn to one of the dancers. The way that Saturn is running, I've heard worse ideas.

Gerald had a dancer at Cheetah's who had drank too much curl up in his lap and fall asleep. He was moistly asleep too so it was quite the Kodak moment. At least he can now claim he slept with a Stripper in Vegas.

I got propositioned by a pro in the lobby of the Flamingo. Message to all professional sex workers, make sure you have waxed all of your moustache line. Whiskers on kittens and not whiskers on hookers are one of our favorite things. Ho'staches are just not good.

Finally, driving back from Vegas on a Sunday is as bad as I thought it would be

Do Not iTune While Sleepy

2006-03-24T15:33:00.000-08:00

I was buying a variety of music on iTunes the other night. I was going to cherry pick some Smashing Pumpkins songs. I dozed off and the next thing I know I see the display saying "Downloading song 5 of 28" Well, I bought Mellon Collie. Fortunately, it's a good album. Maybe getting rid of the extra dialog box that asks if you really wantto buy an album wasn't such a good thing.

Scumbags in History

2006-03-13T17:40:00.000-08:00

Thomas Alva Edison:

Most Americans know Edison for his multitude of inventions. No doubt, the man knew how to think out a problem and surround himself with good engineers as well. But why dwell on the typical, I'd like ot take this oppurtunity to mention that he could be a piece of shit as well.

First of all, the man knew how to promote a product. He was in a running battle with Westinghouse who favored alternating current electricity, while Edison was sponsoring direct current. Part of Edison's big push against AC was that it was "too dangerous". To demonstrate this he displayed electrocutions of stray dogs & cats. Yup, you heard me right, he flipped the switch on dogs and cats. Even fried an elephant which had gone wild and killed some people at an exhibit on Coney Island. It was apparently filmed as well for demonstration. Although he was against the death penalty, he did allow his employees to design an electric chair operating with AC. Now that is going the extra distance to put your competitior's product to the test. I don't think I've seen anyone recently kill live animals as part of product comparison.

Edison didn't just invent his own products, he incorporated other people's products as well. If imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, Edison and his people were ecstatic about George Melies' Le Voyage dans La Lune, an early Science Fiction film that was quite amazing for the time. Apparently some of Edison's men saw this groundbreaking motion picture and knew how important it was going to be. So they had copies made and then distributed them in the US before Melies had a chance. I guess royalties were not in vogue back then as Melies was stiffed.

So, Thomas Alva Edison I salute you. There were people far better than you, there were people far worse than you.. all in all you were a fine scumbag of your time

Dickhead of the Hour

2006-03-10T14:38:00.000-08:00

A couple of friends caught on to this winner. Republican State Senator from South Duhkota Bill Napoli describes an acceptable exception to his states abortion ban (and prospective step back to the 50's):

BILL NAPOLI: A real-life description to me would be a rape victim, brutally raped, savaged. The girl was a virgin. She was religious. She planned on saving her virginity until she was married. She was brutalized and raped, sodomized as bad as you can possibly make it, and is impregnated. I mean, that girl could be so messed up, physically and psychologically, that carrying that child could very well threaten her life

Anyone else think Billy boy had played this one out in his mind many times while just flogging it for all it's worth. Most likely while doing research on a number of incest themed websites.

The list of States that I would like to see removed off the map continues to grow.

More Dad

2006-03-09T23:09:00.000-08:00

My Dad keeps on taking more strides as a computer user. The man still has a problem with clicking the damn mouse on links too many times, but he now knows how to get on ebay, bookmark links and use email.

Considering the email I received from with the hot blonde shaking her breasts in a flash (no pun intended) file I guess I need to alert him to the proper usage of email subject line warnings.

Belated Dadism.. but a good one

Watching Super Bowl with friends, upon seeing commercial for new Escalade

Gary: The new Escalade is going to add 4 more inches
Me: Jesus, like that thing needs it. It doesn't need to be any bigger, now I could use an extra 4 inches
Dad: Yea, that would give you an even six

Mindhunter

2006-03-09T22:57:00.000-08:00

My friend Naomi is going to be going to school for Forensic Psychology. This would be fascinating, something I think I would enjoy learning. I am fascinated by FBI Behavioral Sciences Unit and how they profile serial killers.

I've read a number of books on profilers and serial killers. It is interesting and scary in how the profile of a serial killer on the surface can sound like a lot of people we know. Fortunately only a relatively few damaged individuals go down this path, often something bad in childhood warping their sense of what is right or wrong.

I think profiling would be worthwhile, yet I could also see it just wearing me down with the horror these fuckers create.

Considering this and previous post I think I have a winning combo for Yahoo personals:

Hi, I'm Steve, I like talking about sex and serial killers.

Yea, the emails would just be flying in

Spin Offs

2006-03-09T22:46:00.000-08:00

In an effort to kick myself in the ass to write more I created my first spin-off blog, Seconal and Astroglide

This blog will be strictly dealing with sex. It's not going to be anything for purient tastes, but it will be a wide ranging look at sexuality as I see it today. I've spun it off to a seperate blog in order to keep this one clear of it for the casual reader. We will have no casual sex in this blog. Casual sex elsewhere is quite ok. Now to see if I actually write in it beyond the welcome

Music Matters

2006-03-09T22:02:00.000-08:00

10 Favorite Musical Acts Currently (In No Particular Order)

1. REM
2. The Minus 5
3. House of Freaks
4. The Decemberists
5. The Delgados
6. The Mendoza Line
7. Simon & Garfunkel
8. Johnny Cash
9. Bob Dylan
10. Coldplay

Stick Your Caramel Apples Up Your Ass

2006-03-09T21:02:00.000-08:00

While walking around Seattle we walked by The Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory. They have some of the most amazing looking specialty apples on a stick. These things look so good your blood sugar spikes by just looking at them.

Well, while admiring these things my friend Mary noticed a letter posted on the window. It was a rather long professionaly styled letter addressed to the people who take the bus. Apparently, the city's construction necessitated a temporary move of the bus stop to right in front of the store. The proprietors were asking the people waiting for the bus to please not stand in front of the windows and block the view of the items since the window was there main means of advertising.

The wording may attempt to be professional but the meaning was clear. You "bus people" aren't our customer and you standing around just blocks the view of our real customer. This stupid letter would force more people to cluster closer to the windows to read the damn thing than they would have normally done. As Mary pointed out it was so passive-aggressive it was ballsy. Like "professionals" trying to talk down to the little people as if they wouldn't understand the situation.

Well you know what, they probably don't care. Nor would I. If your business is that dependent on a relatively few people walking in due to your display, your business model is fucked. Many of the people taking the bus do so because it's affordable for them. They aren't likely going to shell out a few bucks for a sugar globbed apple. They also are not likely to be jammed in front of your window so tight the average pedestrian couldn't still see the goodies.

Don't get your Rocky Mountain panties in an uproar, if temporary difficulties cut into your usual business routine.. find new ways of attracting customers. If you can't handle that, you deserve to go belly up.